Greetings, I must begin by telling you my story. I was an unwanted child. My parents did not expect to have me, and ended up having me at a relatively old age (40 and 60, respectively). From what I can infer, I was a pretty happy child. I've seen many pictures of my birthday parties and I am seen smiling, having a blast. Then, my dad suffered of a stroke. His life was turned upside down. He went from being an artist and a musician to a mentally ill man confined to a wheel chair. My mother spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to aid him in his condition unsuccessfully, slowly leading us to bankruptcy. My father had progressively worsened and now he exhibits the traits of Alzheimer's disease, he is violent and has no idea where the hell is he. There is nothing left of the man I only know by pictures and stories. Even though my family was never perfect, I did enjoy of their company. I used to stay at my cousins' house for summer, my family in NY used to come over for a couple of weeks. I used to attend family reunions. Now, all that is gone. Mainly, the problems have arisen since we submerged ourselves in mountains of un-payable debt. My family problems are all money related. It has been a year since my mom and I lost all contact with our relatives, not to mention my fathers mom passed away last summer. Solitude haunts me. As a young child I was thought to be a prodigy. I used to attend second grade classes at the age of four. And by now, all my intelligence is gone. Even though I do excel in some classes, I deeply struggle with math. My school decided that it would be a good idea for my brain to be analyzed by a psychiatrist. I was tested on all kinds of things. The results of those tests revealed the nature of my troubled soul, and the she suggested that I visit a therapist for intensive 'treatment' twice a week. Soon, I realized that it was not working to heal my 'condition', and that my mother was struggling to pay him, so I decided not to go to him anymore. While I was in school (I am in summer vacation now) I used to be a book worm. I had a passion for the humanities and for knowledge in general, but as of right now, the will to continue to carry on those activities is completely gone. I haven't left the house in one month and I honestly have no will to leave anyways. Even though I still have a chance to succeed in life, I have no will to do so. I've come to a point in which I hate it when people compliment me for my talents. I am aware that I have a really sharp brain, but I'm afraid that because of all the misery that I've gone through, I will be unable to use it to a full capacity. I feel intellectually numb. Now, you may wonder why did I decide to join this forum? Well, its because I've been planning my suicide for a while already. In fact, I've been trying to kill myself since I was a toddler. After many unsuccessful attempts I have crafted a plan with a decent success rate. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. Sadly, committing suicide is not such an easy thing for me. My mother lives for me, I am her sunshine. Her whole family had ostracized her and she has only one or two friends left. I'm afraid that my death would be too much of a blow for her. I am also very concerned for my cats and dogs. I've been facing this dilemma for a while already. To continue to live in pain just to please my mom, or to end my meddlesome existence. See, the thing is that I see it highly unlikely for me to succeed because I've come from such a miserable and horrible background. My demons have consumed me. <Mod Edit, WildCherry> I would highly appreciate any contribution. Thanks.