The End Is Getting Near.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheTestI'veFailed, Mar 14, 2010.

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  1. Well here I am, at a point in my life I've fought for so many years to stay away from. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to sell all my belongings because I need the money for now. I'm extremly paranoid, I feel like somebody I know is going to read this and get a laugh out of it. I think I'm delusional but, I can't tell what's real and what isn't. So I've fed off the "what might not be", just to be safe and I can't seem to switch back. I just keep finding evidence that it's real. I think I'm going completely psycho and can't find a reason to stay. I've been a tool to her for years, a joke. I relied on her, I needed her. She's confirmed all of my insecurities and I can't seem to rid myself of them. I've been a tool to my family for years. I've asked for help but they won't. They keep pulling the same old games on me. She told everyone my secrets, as a joke. She's betrayed me so many times over the years I've figured out. With people I've trusted, some of the ones I've trusted most of all. Some of the ones I use to look up to as a child. She was there everyday, to mock me. I've been so stupid but I can't seem to be anything else. I just can't get around the fact that everyone seems to be on her side and to agree with her. How am I supposed to stand up with so many people knocking me down? I want to live, but I can't. The end is getting near.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2010
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i wont laugh. we are all here for you, my friend.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She was very cruel we are not that way here. We do not laugh at anyone but are here for support we listen and we understand okay. Please lean on us for awhile let us help ease that pain. Keep venting or posting do whatever it takes much just stick around awhile to see there are kind people here.
  4. masive

    masive Banned Member

    We are all not here for a joke and a laugh. I can swear on that fact..

    It is so sad and upsetting to here such pain coming thur.

    My freind, My brother lean on us. Use us to give you strenght. Talk to us, let us redeem you from your hurt. Death is not the answer.

    People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Just like you!! Remember that relief is a "feeling". You have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
  5. I've got experience in this area, things will never change. I remember all those years ago I told myself that if I was really worth living that things would go right with her. She's cut me down in every way you can imagine. And if I had friends and family telling me otherwise, I really would stay. But they are all just like her. And right now I'm at the point where I've asked God to give me one sign, just one. So that I know I have a reason to stay but I'm still waiting while I dig my own grave. I just wish the days and nights weren't so hard until I had to go, It's really getting me down. I'm not here for pity, but I thought I would give as many openings for this sign as possible.
  6. masive

    masive Banned Member

    Here is a sign "DO NOT KILL YOURSELF"

    Do you feel like this because of a girl??
  7. I feel like this because of a girl and everyone who seems to share her opinion (EVERYONE). You have to truly, truly beleive me when I say if you knew me you would too. I still haven't met anyone who would say don't kill yourself rather then make me want to.

    I am a strong person, it's just that she was my final test. I now know if I were to continue living it would have to be like this everyday. I could easily keep going, but I quit. It's like the worst case scenario always comes true for me, like I'm living in Hell. Some of us just don't make it. Luck just wasn't on my side from the very beginning. Life's been rough and I've learned my lesson. Now I'm ready to leave and find out what I've been punished for.

    I could give you my life's story, but that would be too tedious. You just have to believe me.
  8. masive

    masive Banned Member

    fuck the girl and her opinuions and fuck everyone else. Dont let the bastards grind you down. This is what they want. And your going to give them that satifaction are you??

    Sod them go and get someone else have some dirty fun and stick two fingers up at her whilst doing it and all her friends and everyone that agrees with them.
  9. I've been doing that my whole life and look where it's taken me. I wish I could just travel back in time and do it all over again.
  10. Anonymity

    Anonymity Member

    Comes back over and over again, despite your attempts to fend it off? And you know that if you decide to push it aside again, you'll eventually (maybe within a week) feel like shit again?

    I really can't offer you advice to stay alive. If you have any qualities that might be useful for the world, I guess you could look at those and admire them. If you're like me... well I don't know what to do, even. Just let it all out ~ there's nothing to lose.
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