Well here I am, at a point in my life I've fought for so many years to stay away from. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to sell all my belongings because I need the money for now. I'm extremly paranoid, I feel like somebody I know is going to read this and get a laugh out of it. I think I'm delusional but, I can't tell what's real and what isn't. So I've fed off the "what might not be", just to be safe and I can't seem to switch back. I just keep finding evidence that it's real. I think I'm going completely psycho and can't find a reason to stay. I've been a tool to her for years, a joke. I relied on her, I needed her. She's confirmed all of my insecurities and I can't seem to rid myself of them. I've been a tool to my family for years. I've asked for help but they won't. They keep pulling the same old games on me. She told everyone my secrets, as a joke. She's betrayed me so many times over the years I've figured out. With people I've trusted, some of the ones I've trusted most of all. Some of the ones I use to look up to as a child. She was there everyday, to mock me. I've been so stupid but I can't seem to be anything else. I just can't get around the fact that everyone seems to be on her side and to agree with her. How am I supposed to stand up with so many people knocking me down? I want to live, but I can't. The end is getting near.