The End Is Near I Feel It

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GS9, Jul 24, 2010.

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  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I have the plan
    all i need the weapon

    and my plan will be complete
    Thank You Cherry You made me feel better when times were rough
    but i been thinking for the past 4 weeks of dieing and that there is no other way out of this hellish life

    The date will be determined by when i get my check so i can get this equipment
    to wake me up from this hellish nightmare, this will be my last thread to the forum that i will post on till the last day

    Cherry i do wish i could have had the opportunity to give you a hug
    but just remember that you are a great person and that i am thankful to talk to such a person as yourself,
    you know the most about me and i feel bad to let you know, that i made up my mind on "waking up" from this dream, you see
    i should've died when i was a kid from drowning and it would have saved me from this hell

    I just wish i could have escaped to Japan and restart my life,
    but even a goal as small as that is impossible, so my ultimate dream is unreachable

    There is no picking myself up from this
    i just need to get my hands on the shotgun
    as for the location, i havent decided yet...
    i will make the location once i get the weapon,
    i just wish my life could have been differently,

    All i ever wanted was a happy peaceful dream...
    but with these long nights and cold days i will not be able to see my 20th birthday

    its a shame i kinda wanted to die on my birthday, but i wont even be able to make it to my birthday

    i am waiting on writing my suicide letters till i get the gun

    Edit: Bye izzie.star you were also a good SF friend

    Sorry Robin for the way i was back then

    Atleast i will be going out this world sober
    This nightmare is coming to a end soon and i am scared but im looking forward to waking up from where ever the next destination is
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2010
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    PLEASE DONT. The very people you thank for helping you show life is worth living and that there ARE good people. We need and want you to stay. Whatever dream you had can still be realized one way or another or replaced. Dont let that dream hurt you,let it make you more determined or maybe it was a dream that needs revision. I am praying for you and hope you do too.
    PLEASE I BEG YOU DONT HURT YOURSELF. There are always new dreams and some are more important than the old ones. The peace you want is in you and you will find anything you need in love. Love is here for you and hope too!!!!

    Write me any time,

    Marty
     
  3. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    trust me, many years and many methods
    I tried to feel happy i even lied to myself
    i used to use drugs and alcohol as a coping method, which it would make me forget the pain but it got my FAO (forum access only) due to my drinking

    You see im at peace right now thinking about dieing
    My dream is unreachable and it was a dream when i was young, i could not dare to change it, and i promised my self not to do suicide till i was 18
    when i was 14yr i thought about suicide but before i hung myself i decided not to and installed a promise to wait till i was 18, and if it was still bad than i can say i lived a life... but i even waited to almost 2 years after my 18th birth day

    I am afraid of dieing but i know its for the best
    I will miss alot of things in life, the music...
    the beautiful music that my friends on the playstation network..
    the strangers i helped in my life,
    i lived a shity life but looking back i am happy i waited this long
     
  4. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    All i did was plan plan plan plan, i wanted to be happy in this life
    but you dont understand that car stood for progress also
    You need not pray for me i am full of sin that's why at judgement day i will not fear hell or heaven
    The worse thing hell could do to me is make me relive my life,
    im not proud and i am a failure i always was a failure in my dad's eyes
    and now im a failure in my own eyes
    There are soo many holes there is no way to patch this
    It is to late And i did love, even through all the darkness i loved twice,
    i dated this girl for 2 years i loved her so much that i would have waited till marriage
    but she left me
    The 2nd one was a girl who was a friend for awhile and we started dating
    I was the happiness man in the world (i truefully didnt think i was able to love again) but she left me for my best friend..

    trust me there's alot of things in my life that i would rather see the after life
    I lost my faith a long time ago...
    i do empty prayers but my hope for a brighter tomorrow died now im just waiting for the check

    I want to die a slow death, it might sound stupid, i want my last mins to be filled with pain and in my last mins i was to smoke a cig and just look back at life before i past
     
  5. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    no one wants to talk so i guess ill just keep myself company,
    i want to say sorry for the way i was back then...

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>
    *sigh* this is the hardest decision in my life to make

    it just seems like there's a battle between living and dieing
    But i know i need to die, i just cant wait for the check :sad::blub:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2010
  6. paul777

    paul777 Well-Known Member

    I'v read a few of your posts but cannot seem to understand what is wrong?

    I understand it hurts when someone you love leaves you but there will be others right?

    You mention something about a car?

    Come on mate thats not a reason to kill yourself.

    Is something else wrong?
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please keep fighting! :hug: You're not a failure, and I know it hurts but your life is worth fighting for.
     
  8. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Trust me you wont understand if your jumping in at the ending to my problems

    I dont know wildcherry i just dont know.....
    My mind is on overload......
    i been up for 24hrs.. so i think ill rest

    Good night...
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Goodnight, hope you get some rest! :hug:
     
  10. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Keep going, Master Chad. Don't leaves us.:hugtackles:
     
  11. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I Sent you a PM... I just so confused now and shocked that someone that was a ocean a way could have made me soo confused about suicide when i thought my decision was final

    GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I just dont know... my head hurts so much right now...
    :eek:utcold: too confused right now to think...
     
  12. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You have my love and prayers. NEVER THINK WE ARE NOT HERE FOR YOU. We are ALWAYS!!!! I AM ALWAYS. Write me!!!1
     
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I hope you're doing okay Chad. :hug:
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know you're confused. :hug: But in a way that's good, it means there's still hope. If someone so far away can make you seriously think about things, there has to be a reason. Try to give it some time, keep talking about what's going on and how you feel.

    Oh, and I replied to your PM. :)
     
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