the end is near...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hatethislife, Dec 21, 2013.

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  1. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    xmas day might be my last just can't hold on anymore. they say get help but there really is no "help" out there its all bullshit just like this world we live in. everyone is going crazy all over the world. life is a joke and i'm the puppet. i will be home alone for a long while xmas day and i want to make a statement like my cousin that killed himself a few years ago on mothers day. really don't even know why i'm posting this all people are going to say is all the same bullshit you always hear. oh don't do it there is so much to live for blah blah blah... i think about hanging myself in the garage from this nice sturdy beam right in the center where i can't reach for anything and try to safe myself when the panic sets in. maybe if i do it right it will just break my neck and i won't feel much pain, but really i can care less if i feel pain long as i die.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you want to die? Here and listening if you feel like talking.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Make a better statement ok make one that says nothing or noone will get the better of you Don't let anyone win hun YOU win ok show them all you are better then all of them hugs
     
  4. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    why i want to die is not the problem its more of why do i want to live? i need serious therapy i have done really bad things that eat at me as a person. i went to get help a few years ago from my local shit hole clinic they asked me so whats the problem? i have depression, anxiety and OCD intrusive thoughts (most likely from the anxiety) of doing horrible things. they gave me paxil without really understanding what my problems are. it made me numb most of the time. but if i got mad i would just black out i snapped on some guy on the freeway for cutting me off so i chased him down cut him off and kicked his face in as soon as he opened his door then got in my car and took off. guess no one got my plate number because no cops ever came for me. i grew with an abusive father and a drug abusing family (meth) and spent a good part of my life addicted to it got off that crap back in 99 but the damage is done.

    i am 40 live with my mom still have never really moved out for very long. i have no job no carrier path just a hopeless excuse of a man. can't have relationships because i get abusive and can not control my anger. i smoke eat bad have diabetes and hypertension hopefully cancer too so i can die and have people feel sorry for me. so finding a reason to be happy is a fictional reality to me and has been most of my life.
     
  5. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    .................................................................
     
  6. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    what are you talking about you really make no sense?
     
  7. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    That you don't need to kill yourself, ^
    You could do other things to define yourself.
     
  8. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member



    empty answers with no real thought from a shallow world we live in......
     
  9. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    you say you need therapy badly... sounds as if u have tried therapy at least once and also sounds like you gave up on it, not all therapists are good for everybody, keep trying to search out one that is good for you, you said that you have been on paxil, have you tried anything else, doesn't sound as if that was the best choice for you...

    if you know you need therapy.... go in search of it and dont stop til you find the RIGHT therapy for you, you are worth it, aren't you?
     
  10. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    i dont think the drugs are the answer they just numb you so you dont feel nothing at all.
    no there was no therapy just some second rate drug pushing asian doctor that never even looked me in the eyes.
    that is all i have in my area bunch of moralless asians and punjabs.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2013
  11. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    I was just explaining what someone might have meant.
    They're hardly empty answers, as we've clearly taken the time to answer in the first place. We care about you and we don't want to see you end your life.
    Apologies if I don't have the answers you were looking for, but at least I (and others) cared to try to help at least.
     
  12. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    My post posted twice for some reason, and I'm not sure how to delete it so I've had to edit it to this..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2013
  13. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member


    oh look another person turning it into something about them... blah blah blah this is pointless.
     
  14. Lux

    Lux Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way.
    I don't know what else to do but say I hope you feel better soon and know that people do care.
     
  15. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    I sense alot of anger in you. Life seems impossible for you.. I am not going to say the same bullshit tat you haf heard before. I can't stop you for commiting suicide but I do hope you will reconsider your decision and I am.sure there are something out there to resolve ur issue
     
  16. hatethislife

    hatethislife Member

    i sure hope so i wouldn't be here if i didn't have any hope...

    i'm very hostile from all the anxiety i really can be a very nice person and thank you lux i know you're just trying to help.

    i have been pushing friends and family away so i'm not mean to them and do weird shit and what not. it has never been this bad in my life till i hit 40.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2013
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't have all the answers, and I know I can't fix what you're going through. Just offering support and a listening ear if you ever feel like talking. I do hope you can find a way to give therapy a try; meds may not be for you, but from reading your posts, I get the impression therapy could be beneficial. Seems like you have a lot of pent-up anger and other emotions that really need an outlet.
     
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