xmas day might be my last just can't hold on anymore. they say get help but there really is no "help" out there its all bullshit just like this world we live in. everyone is going crazy all over the world. life is a joke and i'm the puppet. i will be home alone for a long while xmas day and i want to make a statement like my cousin that killed himself a few years ago on mothers day. really don't even know why i'm posting this all people are going to say is all the same bullshit you always hear. oh don't do it there is so much to live for blah blah blah... i think about hanging myself in the garage from this nice sturdy beam right in the center where i can't reach for anything and try to safe myself when the panic sets in. maybe if i do it right it will just break my neck and i won't feel much pain, but really i can care less if i feel pain long as i die.