the end is near

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Aug 31, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I can't remember feeling so low. It's getting worse every day and all I can think about is suicide. The stupid guilt is stopping me from ending it tonight, but I don't think I can hold on much longer. :sad: I hate feeling so guilty. Why can't I just ignore it? My friends don't care anymore, they won't even notice that I'm gone. I'm so f***ing weak. :mad: Visiting the doctor won't ever happen. :mad: My plan was to end it when my parents go on vacation in October, but I don't think I'll make it so far. :sad: I want to get drunk and end it tomorrow. :cry:
  2. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    Visiting the doctor won't ever happen.

    Why is that? Isn't it worth a try before such a drastic step?
  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    What's wrong you must tell me please I demand you tell me everything.:sad:
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Your not weak at all. Even if your friends around you won't care, i'm sure your friends on SF would dearly miss you. And why will seeing a doctor not happen.
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I have tried seeing a doctor, but I can't ask for help. I either panic and cancel my appointment, or the other part of me take over and tell the doctor that everything is fine. :mad: Maybe the solution is to get drunk before I go, because I have no problem talking about it when I'm drunk. :unsure:
  6. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member


    how about you print off some of your posts from this site and post them to your doctor?

    Make an appointment to see them and they will of read your thoughts and have a basic idea of where to begin ?

    Or, write notes of things you need to talk about on paper, and take it with you, if you cant cope they can read them
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice. It might be worth a try, if I can find some will to fight.
  8. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    I hope you do find some will to fight. I would feel cheated if I never had the chance to get to know you.
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Sweety,Do what I do sit down when you feel even slightly comfortable and write everything down that seem's to be a problem,Please make that appointment with your Dr and make a commitment to go and see him/her and please try to stick to it.It will be hard but you will do it I know you will.
  10. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I know I need to get help if I'm going to make it, but I don't care anymore. Hopefully I'll make it until October, but it's not a big deal. Maybe I'll find some strength to start fighting again, but it feels different this time.
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