The end is near:

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stranger1, May 20, 2008.

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  1. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been putting off the inevitable. I was shot down again. The first time I was in group therapy and this one girl told me my thoughts are unaceptable. I told my therapist what she said, and she said she would like to meet this girl so she can bitch slap her for her comment. It set me back about six months. I know my isolating is hard to understand. I just don't do very good around other people. The second time was almost a repeat of the first time.
    I have been putting my time on hold to help my brother build a barn, with stalls,feed room, and tac room. Well we are almost done with it. After that it will be time to go. My only regret is leaving behind my daughter and my grandaughter. They are better off with out me. I just don't know how to communicate with her. Her mom took her up north when she was five. I have had her down here a couple of times. I don't know I just get really down when I think of her.
    The other problem is everyone is pushing me to get out more, and go back to school or something. I'm fifty one years old. I am afraid it is a little to late to try school. I am pretty much st in my ways.
    I have done one positive thing. I broke down that barrier between me and my dad. He isn't going to be around much longer and we needed to patch things up between us. well i'm rambling on so I will close for now.:chopper:
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey stranger, please don't give up. your daughter and granddaughter are *not* better off without you, that is the depression talking. you need to fight this line of thinking with everything you have. communication difficulties can be fixed, for sure. karma will take care of the woman in group therapy, so leave that one to the universe.

    as for going back to school, is it your fear that you are too old that prevents you from trying it? or does it just not interest you? what kind of programs have you been looking at? i have a friend who went to law school at 65, when he retired. he graduated at 72...
  3. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    Hi stranger,

    I completely agree with dazzle, please take no notice of that :censored: girl, she had absolutely no right to make you feel that way.

    I dont believe your girls will be better of without you at all, It might not be to late to build a better relationship with her.
    Can you write to her, tell her you want to see her more, send photos, build on things and become included in each others lives? If your thinking about ending it with her permanently through suicide than what have you got to lose by giving it another go with her.

    Plus you are NEVER to old to go back to school!
    Theres no limit on learning and doing something that interests you, it would be a healthy thing to do and you should really give it a go!

    Take care
  4. As a daughter that lost a parent to suicide I can honestly say she won't be better off without you. Even if you arn't close it will still cut her to the bone. When someone close committs suicide it makes it seem like a more okay way out. Do you want you daughter or grand daughter to follow in your foot steps? Ignore the girl in group. If she's in a group she must be hurting to so what she said probally came from a emotional, irrational place.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I am not depressed because I'm 51. I just don't think I could handle school, my mind wanders to much. As far as my daughter and grandaughter go, I don't think they will miss me. She's in her own little world. I tried to get her to move down here so she can get the support she needs. She would have a roof over there heads. I even had a car for her so she could get around.
    I don't know. My mind always wanders back to suicide. I am tired of trying. I have done everything that I have been taught between my therapist and the people at the hospital.
    It's not all mental, I have some health problems also. I just want it to end. to leave this f_____up world. I have never fit in with the crowds I considered to be my friends. Being a service brat we moved every two years. I never had a best friend because of that. Even when I was a kid I would spend alot of time alone in my bedroom. I'm not thinking to straight right now. Thank you for the advice.:chopper:
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry stranger but they will miss you, i had the same thoughts once and i have 3 kids who don't live with me, but my thoughts made me realise just what i have in them, i may not see them as much but i love them to bits and i won't let anything take me away from them, i don't want them to go thru life wondering why or to live without my advice in their lives.

    just my 2 cents worth

    be strong bud
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