The end is so very near and I'm so happy.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Feb 1, 2007.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    If ever I knew if the end is so near now I do and actually I'm so happy as ever about it.Basically it could be any day now or even any moment now,and frankly I couldn't give a shit the sooner the fuckin better.The final straw was tonight my friends who I was meant to go on a trip with last year are talking about another one,and didn't even ask me not even about a so called day out that they're planning.
    So that's probably the last straw,not probably is I know and thankfully so Fuck this so called world I'm sick of all the shit goodbye everyone!
     
  2. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Ace,

    Im real sorry your having such a difficult time right now and that you are feeling so desperate. I do hope you can lean on us and let us support you through this. Maybe your friends thought you might not have wanted to go, I dont know. Please dont take your life. reach out, lean on us, let us support you. Many of us have been right were your at now, feeling so desperate and suicidal, and thats ok, we understand. Just know that you dont need your friends to validate who you are, you are worthy and special and important. Please take good care of yourself and talk to us about how your doing....this is a great community of wonderfull caring people...I look forward to hearing more from you and that you are doing the best you can.....I'll be thinking of you......Jodi
     
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I hope you change your mind! :hug:
    Remember that you can lean on me whenever you need.

    I'd miss you if you leave :cry:
     
  4. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    Ace I haven't been here that long, but you seem to have a lot of people who care about you. I hope and pray you can get thru this current bump in the road. You are a good person. Don't let others define you. Maybe you deserve better friends than those anyway!
     
  5. gosh, you guys are so nice on this site.




    It's remarkable!
     
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    You're all too nice,it's just so hard and frustrating with this Bi-polar all I do swing up and down:sad: :mad: and I'm constantly suicidal and it hurts so much.I was quite upset with my friends and although I try not to be I cant help that it gets to me,the depression is too much and the Ocd and Bdd it's just so exhausting.:sad: :rant: :cry:
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Maybe they thought that if you wanted to go you would speak up or something. This kind of thing happens sometimes. Think about it: if they really did not want you to go, they wouldn't have even mentioned it in front of you. And even if they didn't want you along for whatever reason, it's shouldn't be end of the world. Try not to let your friends have such an impact on how you feel about yourself. If I had done that in high school, I'd be dead already.
     
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    peanut they asked my other friend who was sitting behind me and started talking and sat down with him and specifically asked him if he'd be interested it's not like he asked either.I thought it would've been nice if they'd of asked,also I'm no longer in high school it's not about such little things as that.I've had all kinds of thing's hurt me down the years and have suffered depression for that long,I'm just tired of it all.:sad:
     
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that happened to you. That definitely sucks. But try to understand that some people are just plain rude, and that is their problem, not yours. All you can do is be the best person you can be, and hope that people will respond to it. If not, then fuck them, they aren't worth your time anyway. They are certainly not worth your life. I know you are depressed, but I'm glad you have had the courage to hang on as long as you have, and I really hope that you will continue to do so. We all feel pain for various reasons, but life is more than that. You seem very sensitive and kind and someday, people who are worthy of your friendship will notice that. Try to focus on the future and be safe :)
     
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    BTW, if you think not being invited at all sucks, try being DISinvited. That'll put you on top of the world all right :)
     
  11. dreamer1

    dreamer1 Member

    ace,
    im sorry you're feeling so bad. bipolar is hellish at times, and it sucks that you have to deal with that. i have it too, and i hate it. it makes me want to die, often i feel that way.
    if your friends are being rude, that's their problem, not yours. they should ideally have enough sensitivity to your feelings to invite you. are they aware of how much all of this means to you? perhaps you could try talking to them about it.
    sometimes i get upset when my friends behave in ways that feel insensitive to me. it would be nice if people could be more caring of others' feelings. its too bad your friends are being like that with you, but it's their loss if you won't be with them on their day out. they won't get to have your company, too bad for them!
    try to see past this, i know it is hard. don't let this be the thing that drives you to suicide, ace. you can get past this. just take a deep breath, try to relax, and let that rudeness just pass you by.
    let us know how you're doing, ok!
    love,
    dreamer:smile:
     
  12. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Ace-
    I have the exact same symptoms, except for the OCD. I am spiraling bad...so I do know the ups and downs :eek:hmy: you speak of. I was just going to say 'bye' to you....but hope you hang on. If you have no support you can get some here!
     
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thanks alot dreamer I get so sick of it when people say it will get better and it's just temporary that a load of Bullshit because it doesn't get better and go away just like that.I know what it's like are people thinking I'm stupid?,it's like firstly they don't live in my mind and body and walk in my shoes each day.Also these friends seem to carry on so easy to do thing's and have no idea what it's like to feel like this,but I do feel like I've been judged because of what I suffer from and feel like I'm some sought of outcast.
    What the moment passes for a few minutes at the most then comes back?gees I'd love to know what it feel's like to not be swinging like a yoyo all day long and thinking about suicide each living moment.I do try my very best and I don't feel sorry for myself,dreamer thank's for your understanding about my friends sorry I just felt really let down and that just compounded everything else to the final step.
    Sorry I'm just so tired of this shit!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2007
  14. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    ace i really don´t want to tell you but i really sorry for how do you feel. i can´t tell you it´s going to be better but i can offer myself to you for whenever you need to talk to pm me. i thik we´ll lost a really caring and loving member here if you kill yourself and is not just because you help people here, is because you worth as a person and the world around you won´t be the same ofter your death. Take care hun
     
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thanks jane you're too nice and kind,i'm trying so hard last night I kept walking around the streets and breaking down every few minutes.:sad:
     
  16. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    well hun remember i´m here whenever you need to talk;)
     
  17. ybt

    ybt Guest

    crawlingeye, i've now had the displeasure of seeing some of your posts.

    this forum does not encourage self harm or suicide. yet that is what you encourage. just because it is your belief does not mean you have to spread it around. stop it. we want the posters to live, not to die because of your stupid advice
     
  18. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Indeed.

    Re-read the rules, maybe?

    EDIT: Have deleted the offending post.
     
  19. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    crawlingeye what did you say?Anyway I've just had the great displeasure of feeling the brilliance of bi polar yet again and I'm trying so fuckin hard, from mellow to rotten within seconds "FUCK THIS WORLD".:sad:
     
  20. Dairygrass

    Dairygrass New Member

    Hey Ace,
    I noticed you said that you have depression, ocd and bdd. what a fucking terrible combination, i was diagnosed with all three of those and I know how hard it is. if you ever want to talk, my AIM is Dairygrass. I would love to talk with you, last night I was feeling so terrible and thinking of the people I love is the only things keeping me going, that and the people on this forum, it really helps to have people to talk with. So hang in there and maybe we can swap stories about mirror hatred and all of that bullshit.
     
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