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The end is very near...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KDXer, Jan 17, 2009.

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  1. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Hi all, first post. I am Trev, I have been suffering deep depression at different stages in my life as long as I can remember. I have never been real successful in relationships (every single one cheated on me) or life in general. I was dumped by my fiance of 4 years (7yr relationship) via SMS on my birthday last year with the explanation 'I don't feel how I should about us anymore'. I was hospitalised due to suicidal thoughts etc but unfortunately it didn't help any. I went through a very hard few months being single when out of the blue she sent me a SMS stating it was all a huge mistake and she missed me etc. Stupid me took her back only to find out she had been sleeping with someone else literally weeks after we broke up. That is now a thought that has been killing me inside. I broke up with her a few weeks ago for the reason that I just can't get over these thoughts and emotions of betrayal and hurt. Now all I want to do is die and have this pain stop. I am not looking for sympathy or attention just an eara\ and maybe some helpful advise... Thanks, Trev...
  2. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi Trev, and welcome to the forum
    I hear you, but I don't know if I have any worthly advice; I myself am leaning on time, to heal, to change my life situation, to find the person I fall in love with and I may keep, or on the last place(maybe I'm not absolutely honest now :shy:) to get the kids grown up enough that they won't miss me so much and have some kind of understanding for my decision.
    And as you said that you have been depressed for as far as you know all your life, have you been or are on therapy, meds?
    A good bunch of people keep advising me therapy, it could work for you.
    Surely to help you deal with the lost relationship; I don't think you were stupid to give it another chance, it's in fact pretty nice of you and also understandable, as you had a longtime relationship with the person: but feelings of guilt and betrayal are bad feeders for a relationship, so again good of you to break up.
    I hope you stick around here, I am sure there will be people able to give you real usefull advice; and for sure a lot of caring, listening hears.
    Wish you well, take good care of you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2009
  3. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    hi trev, welcome to SF! :smile:
    i know you said you weren't looking for sympathy, but you should expect empathy, at least, here.
    it's gotta be hard dealing with feelings of betrayal and hurt like she has caused you. but there are other ways to help and make you feel better.
    i hope you reconsider hurting yourself again.
    we are here to help
    good luck
    laura :heart:
  4. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Oh man I feel bad for you. But do you really want this woman to be the determiner of whether you live or die?
  5. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Hi Trev,

    I'm a total "newbie" here, but not to a broken heart or a desire to die.

    What I want to say is that broken hearts--believe it or not--DO heal. But it takes time. LOTS of time. AND if you're suffering from a deep depression and have for a long time, that needs attention first and foremost. Do you take meds for your depression? It sounds to me that meds, plus therapy, plus doing exactly what you're doing (talking to people who understand) would really help take the edge off.

    I have had my heart so broken it hurt to think or talk or eat...but believe it or not, you can get through it. And you will. I believe it.

    Keep posting, though. Keep in touch. You're important. Remember that.

  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Trev,

    Welcome to the forums.
    It's nice to meet you :shake:
    I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Are you on any medication for your depression? Do you have a therapist?
    You don't need to suffer with this alone hun :arms:
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Trev. I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. Give yourself time to deal with the broken relationship and the intense feelings associated with it. She is not worth taking your life. We are here to support you as much as we can. Please take care. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2009
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Trev and welcome to the forum. Sorry to here you are feeling so bad. Hope you can find what you are looking for here at sf. Best wishes.
  9. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Thank you all. Nah no meds or therapy. Sadly I just don't have the will or want to go get help. I am just simply over this world and the pain in my heart. I guess you really have to WANT help to be able to be helped. There are soooo many things that have happened in my life that I just can't bear to think about anymore. Thanks again all but I feel deeeeep down inside that it is only a matter of time unfortunately.
  10. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Hi again Trev,

    I just reread your initial post. And I just have to say that dumping you on your birthday -- and via sms to boot??! That's horrible. (I was dumped on my birthday once, but I wasn't in love with the guy anymore and really, he just did me a favour.) But ultimately, you deserve a hell of a lot more respect than what you got.

    I know you say you don't have the want or the will to survive...and I can completely understand feeling that way.

    Can I ask you something right now, though?

    Can you just wait? I feel like I have to. I need to. Even though I don't want to. Can you wait as well? You never know when you might wake up one morning feeling better...
  11. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Hi. I am waiting, waiting to get everything set in place so I can go with minimal fuss. When she left me it was 6 months to the day until she contacted me again. Those 6 months were the worst of my life and I barely scraped through. I honestly don't want another day of that let alone months and months. I see no purpose in waiting, it just puts off the inevitable. Thanks for your time to respond.
  12. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Tonight is the night...:cry2: I now know I have lost the love of my life permanently. I thank you all for listening but bid you all farewell and hope you all find peace in some way or another.

    May I R.I.P 09-09-1977 19-01-2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2009
  13. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    I feel sick......
  14. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    please don't, it's not worth it, you might think she was the love of your life but what if you meet someone you fall even more strongly for and settle down with? you'll never know if you don't give yourself the chance to, it would be such a waste to lose you, please don't do anything rash.
  15. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Trev...please tell me you're still here...please....
  16. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Yep, barely... :(
  17. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Ok, this is good, though. You're still here.

    You have no idea how relieved I feel right now, that you're still here, buddy.

    I'm going to send you a PM (private message) in a minute. But I just want you to know that as much as you are in excruciating pain; as much as you feel so certain you just want to die...would you believe me if I told you it CAN and WILL get better? I'm not lying to you, dude. I'm not. I'm walking a very thin line at the moment--I planned out my own suicide last night. And yet I don't want to see you go. I don't want you to die. And in turn, that reminds me that I ultimately don't want to die either. I just want out of this painful existence.

    Please, stay with us....

  18. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    Thanks buddy. I am literally in tears... :( :( :( :(
  19. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Well, tears are good. Tears mean you're still with us. Please do stay with us...

    Have you actually taken something? Do you feel you should probably see a doctor?
  20. KDXer

    KDXer Member

    PM sent.
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