The end of my world?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by th3silent0ne, Aug 21, 2014.

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  1. th3silent0ne

    th3silent0ne Well-Known Member

    I apologies for my previous thread. Despite the pain I was in I didn't do a good job explaining anything really. I am really struggling with my relationship right now. My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 and a half years. Oddly enough we met in a day program in the hospital. She was more broken than I was. We've lived together for a year and continuing. She is the love of my life, and she's the only one who excepts who I am and looks past my scars and flaws. We've tried our best to support each other emotionally. Our relationship isn't perfect, nor do I want perfection. My biggest issue is her weed addiction. I myself tried smoking it with a little pressure. It lead me to cry majorly and shortly after I wanted to kill myself. I know that this was just my experience, and others experience different. It helps her with physical pains, and takes her mind off negative emotions. Since I could never feel comfortable being around it or seeing her smoke it, it has become hard for me to manage. Over the year she's been in rehab to quit. She's seen other people for help with this and other addictions. She relapsed about a month ago.

    It's been really hard on me. I just have such a negative emotion towards it. But as of late I've been trying real hard to just accept it. I hear good things and bad. Actually more good than bad. If it's the only thing that helps with physical and emotional pain (she is on meds too), what harm is it doing? However as we are financially in debt, it's only more stress on me. I've been on meds, had counselling and seen a doctor. All of which did me no good. I've been struggling with my own emotions and stress for a long time now. And when it really matters, when I really need a friend to vent to, no one is there for me. That only adds more inner pain. At this point I feel like I don't manage the weed issue very well. And not only am I stressed, but I'm stressing her out. We are both clear that we can't live without each other. Neither will her dog. Suicide may be on my mind, but it's not a plan. I've self harmed recently to deal with the pain. But most of all I just need some help. I need some coping suggestions. This place is pretty much my last resort. If I can find help here, then I am lost.
  2. th3silent0ne

    th3silent0ne Well-Known Member

    And as usual my thread is skipped over. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother posting? It seems I really am abandoned when I need help.
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    When I see a post with no replies I usually click on it and tryto help. I don't know how I can help you in this situation, and I think some other people around here read it too and didn't know what to say either.
    I don't quite understand that when you need a friend no one's there. Can't you talk to your girlfriend about that..? As another person without friends I always went to myboyfriend if I needed someone to talk or help or anything. Even when it was about him.
    I wish you good luck
  4. th3silent0ne

    th3silent0ne Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply. I sometimes get a bit frustrated when I don't see replies while others do. And I never know how many people actually read it. Now as for someone to talk to, my girlfriend isn't the one I need to vent to as it involves her addiction. I seem to be causing the stress just bringing it up. I'm looking for some help else where. Maybe someone knows how to help. Or maybe someone could just lend some comforting words. I can talk to her about some things. It's just the other stuff I need a friend to talk to. And I just get pushed aside.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I have just read this thread. So far as comforting words I guess that depends on your perspective and feelings more than what I or others might write but -

    I disagree with your statement that you have not managed the weed situation well. The person not managing the wed situation well is your gf. She has a dependency issue. She has let her use of a recreational drug negatively effect her life and yours as well. Rehab was for a reason and her relapse was no different than that of any other person with a substance abuse problem. It has nothing to do with self medicating as people with a substance abuse problem claim. There will always be 1000 excuses that end with it is the only thing that makes me fel better. Those are all just excuses for why they let a problem continue and get worse.

    When a person has a substance abuse issue it becomes the only thing that matters in their life. They willie about it and lie about using the money they used on it and everything else. They end up caring more about their high then anything else in life. Her high is more important to her than you or your feelings right. Ow and is likely the real reason for many if her issues. Yet she will continue to choose it and make up excuses.

    Read some books or do some research for famy members of substance a users and you will hear the truth about the "benefits" of weed and all that crap. There are some medical uses for marihuana but there are medical uses for most prescribed drugs that are abused and the abuse is the issue not you learning to understand why she "needs" it.
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I would also point out that while it can be disheartening that no-one replies - not everyone is able to reply to every thread they read. It doesn't make your thread less important - they just aren't always able to offer constructive words of support, so its beneficial to not reply when not knowing.

    I also fully agree with NYJ about the fact you're handling it a lot better than she is. And with pretty much everything else he's summed up in a way far better than I would have done.

    Relapses happen. It's not the end of the world because she's relapsed.

    *My own thoughts on this are - I wouldn't stay with someone who does something I am not comfortable with. Regardless of how close we were, or how much I wouldn't want to lose them - if they are affecting me too much in a negative way - they aren't worth putting myself through that level of torture*
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