I apologies for my previous thread. Despite the pain I was in I didn't do a good job explaining anything really. I am really struggling with my relationship right now. My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 and a half years. Oddly enough we met in a day program in the hospital. She was more broken than I was. We've lived together for a year and continuing. She is the love of my life, and she's the only one who excepts who I am and looks past my scars and flaws. We've tried our best to support each other emotionally. Our relationship isn't perfect, nor do I want perfection. My biggest issue is her weed addiction. I myself tried smoking it with a little pressure. It lead me to cry majorly and shortly after I wanted to kill myself. I know that this was just my experience, and others experience different. It helps her with physical pains, and takes her mind off negative emotions. Since I could never feel comfortable being around it or seeing her smoke it, it has become hard for me to manage. Over the year she's been in rehab to quit. She's seen other people for help with this and other addictions. She relapsed about a month ago. It's been really hard on me. I just have such a negative emotion towards it. But as of late I've been trying real hard to just accept it. I hear good things and bad. Actually more good than bad. If it's the only thing that helps with physical and emotional pain (she is on meds too), what harm is it doing? However as we are financially in debt, it's only more stress on me. I've been on meds, had counselling and seen a doctor. All of which did me no good. I've been struggling with my own emotions and stress for a long time now. And when it really matters, when I really need a friend to vent to, no one is there for me. That only adds more inner pain. At this point I feel like I don't manage the weed issue very well. And not only am I stressed, but I'm stressing her out. We are both clear that we can't live without each other. Neither will her dog. Suicide may be on my mind, but it's not a plan. I've self harmed recently to deal with the pain. But most of all I just need some help. I need some coping suggestions. This place is pretty much my last resort. If I can find help here, then I am lost.