The end of the road ....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marshmallow, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    What do you do when your at the end.
    What do you do when all day you think about how to kill yourself.
    What do you do when you have nothing or no one to live for.
    What do you do when your sat in your room in the dark day after day.
    What do you do when you sit here so close to killing yourself.

    I cut myself off from everyone. I loose everyone that ever meant anything to me. I don't open up to anyone. See the thing is when you open up to people you just get get hurt. Your ripped to pieces.

    I'm asked to sit back and be hurt. Your asked to act like your fine with it. Your asked to be happy about it. I am happy for you but don't expect me to be able to sit their and watch. I'm made to feel like what i feel doesn't matter. You don't give a shit. You don't care in the slightest how i feel or what this does to me. You of all people should know what that feels like.

    I'm sick of feeling in the way. It hurts. I can't hurt no more. Theres one kind of hurt i can handle and thats phsyical. The hurt i'm going to feel before i die. I'm sat in my room. Shaking. I have so many things in this room that could kill me right now plus i have a lock on my door which will give me a bit of time.

    I can't do this no more. I just can't. I held on for so long for one reason. I have no reason anymore.

    Mim & Sarah, i'll be with you soon. I promise you. I love you both so much. I'll see you soon.
  2. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    no! you can't! please don't do this!
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Vikki, please don't give up hun. I know that things are really hard for you right now, but please don't harm yourself. Why not talk to someone on SF about how you're feeling? There are many people here who are willing to help, including me. :hug:
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Who are you addressing your post to? Someone has hurt you, someone isn't listening to you. You're completely right. Why should you carry on. But when I read your post, it seems like there's some one in your life that you are trying to connect to and they don't care about your feelings.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    vikki you are feeling terrible right now, but it doesn't have to last forever. Please do not make decisions such as this when you are in this state of mind. If you need to get those things out of your room then do it so you are not tempted by them. Maybe there are people that are not listening to you, but there are just as many, if not more, that are listening. Look beyond the negative thoughts. You have been here before and survived. You can do it again. :hug:
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You did something amazing, just there, and you reached out. When I'm at the place you are, I just shut off and am terrified of receiving replies or any possibility of people reaching me. You've opened up to people here and that was a risk.

    You sound like you're carrying so much. :hug: I care that you hurt. And I'm angry that you go through all this and whoever you want comfort from isn't helping you. I care. And you are hurt. You've been ripped to pieces when you've opened up to someone and you want to die. I know the feeling well.

    What do I do when I'm like that? Try and stop killing myself. I know, it's hard. But I also know that there are feelings out there that soothe pain (like balm or something cool you put on cuts), and that pain isn't the only way to live/be alive and the only thing that is to be felt.

    Can you remember ever feeling loved and comforted?
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Vikki, please don't do this. So many people care about you. It sounds like someone has hurt you. Don't concentrate on that negative experience. There are plenty of people here that you can be open with that won't hurt or judge you. We are all here for you hun. PM me if you need to talk :hug:
  8. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Vikki talk to us, Talk to me, we've met, you are more than just a name on Sf. Don't sit in your room all alone, let us help you get through this crisis, please pm me, let me at least try to help, to listen, to be there for you.

    :hug: Hazel
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    vikki's got help :hug:
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Thanks sam.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thanks :hug:
  12. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Vikki just had police and ambulance turn up at her doorstep.
    Vikki but her good girl face on.
    Vikki made out like everything is fine.
    Vikki said no to going to the hospital.
    Vikki now has her mother going mental at her.
    Vikki is now being forced into things she doesn't want to do.
    Vikki is now going to get worse from those things.
    Vikki now doesn't trust anyone.
    Vikki thinks certain people should listen to others.

  13. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    We care about you, Vikki, and we don't want you to die. We'd much rather ring the emergency services about you, than find out that you're dead one morning.
  14. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  16. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    But what if ive made my mind up? It may have stopped me right now but it will never stop me.
  17. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    then i guess i keep calling the police everytime until they help you
  18. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    vikki open your eyes, we all care and we will help you through all of this and we aren't going to let you go
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Maybe it would be best if you were sectioned in a hospital vikki? No one wants you to end your life hun. One day you will be happy that you didn't go through with it. :hug:
  20. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Vicki,
    I know we don't know each other but I can see the concern that every one here on the forum are feeling for you. You may not have the physical support you need but you do have the support from your friends here at the forum!! If you are that down then the best thing for you to do is go to the hospital and seek help to get you thru this crisis.
    I also sit in my room either watching the ceiling fan go round and round or I get on the forum so I have someone to talk to. I don't talk to any one on the outside. My therapist is the only one I talk to. I don't feel safe being out of my room. I promised a few people here on the forum that I will go into the hospital after the first of the year. I also told them that I am still leaning on the side of suicide. That hasn't changed. So I am caught in a catch twenty two.
    Please listen to your friends here and seek their support. You also should talk to a theapist. I'm sure you have heard all this before because you have been a member of the forum for quite a while. Please go to the hospital until you are out of crisis. It is much better if you go voluntarily!! Take Care and even though we don't know each other I feel your pain!!Stay Strong!!~Joseph~
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