The end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlooDanDisgrace, Nov 16, 2008.

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  1. So I decided..I'd kill myself Friday, and I failed...I tried jumping off a tree and the the branch broke, because I'm so fat...I didn't tell anyone about it, despite all the pain in my neck...I was gonna do it last night, but it was so cold outside...I decided to do it today...I was gonna run my car straight into a wall...I didn't, I'm worried it isn't gonna kill me...I'm worried that whatever I do is gonna make me paralyzed or make me a vegetable for the rest of my life...I wish I had a gun...but I think im gonna go back and ram into that wall...hopefully my head breaks through the windshield and hits the wall...
    Nobody cares...I tried talking to a "friend" and she's just ignored me, my parents would just lock me up in an asylum...I just wanna run away...get away from all the pain that I've received...all the people who don't care about me at all...ignorant people...I wonder if anyone will come to my funeral...I wonder if anyone will cry...I wonder if anyone will miss me...I wonder where I'm going...I wonder if it will hurt,I wish I had a gun or cyanide, then it wouldn't hurt...oh well, it can't hurt that bad compared to what I feel inside right now...
    I don't know why I'm posting this here...I guess I feel like nobody else will ever listen to me...I'm listening...give me at least one reason why I shouldn't take my car out tonight...
  2. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    you've posted on here - that's a start. :)
    there are plenty of people who care.

    what's made you feel like you can't go on?

    talk to us.

    please hang in there.
  3. I lost my job...I lost my boyfriend...I lost all my friends when I went into a rage...I'm failing at health is parents yell at me constantly...people ignore me when they see me crying...laugh at me if they see my cuts...I'm confused over my sexuality and most of all I just have so mental problems that those doctors haven't been able to help with all their pills and "treatment"...
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. Most of the people here have been where you are now which is why we all ended up here. Good on you for finding us. Even your avatar says the word help which suggests you do not really want to end it all. More likely you are desperately searching for an end to your pain and a way to escape your present situation. I hope that on the site you can find the help and support you need to overcome these feelings. Don't do anything final until you have at least given the place a chance. I know the people here have saved my life on a couple of occassions now. Best of luck to you.:smile:
  5. I actually found this place because I was looking up what was the least painful way to kill myself...
  6. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    am so sorry to hear that. I know there's nothing I can say or do to make it any better right now, but I am here if you wanna talk. my msn is in my profile if you want to add me.

    its such a shame that people don't understand. if you're crying and they ignore you, that sucks, and anyone who laughs at your cuts is just an asshole.

    I long for the day when people would no more expect you to run with a broken leg as cope with mental health problems such as depression.

    it does sound like you have anger management issues - could this be down to the medication? if so it might be worth speaking to your doctor about it. see if you can find some techniques to keep you calm. personally I find listening to ambient/psytrance music a great help, but it doesn't work for everybody.

    am here if you wanna talk.

    take care
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thats actually how most of us ended up here.

    Welcome to the forum :)

    Here's some reasons for you not to take your car out tonight:

    ----You say your parents would lock you up in an asylum, you won't always be living with your parents, you just gotta ride out the hard times.

    ----You have found SF, we will listen to you and try and help in any way we can.

    ----You don't sound like you really want to die, you sound as if you just want all the pain to go away. You can achieve that without dying.
  8. How...if nobody cares...then how am I ever going to escape? I haven't had a good day in my life in months...I've thought about killing myself, I've talked to people about it and they just don't care at all...they just want me to "get help", even though I already did...from the best medical resource in the country (Mayo Clinic) and they didn't help me at all...I'd even say I feel worse from when I was there...
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Maybe you should go back to your doctor and explain in detail how bad you are feeling? They will most likely prescribe anti-depressants. If you say you are suicidal there's a good chance of being hospitalized.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Also, I understand your fears about going through with suicide..only last week I was really trying my best to go through with it, the fear of being found before death or resulting in brain damage frightens the life out of me. It feels as if there is no escape. Im here if you need to talk :)
  11. I'm gonna drive out at 9:00, and ram into that was good of you to attempt to help me...but I don't think anyone is going to help me now...
  12. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    I'll second what daisychain has said. am here if you need/want to talk :) you can get through this

    will be thinking of you :hug:
  13. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    please don't. we're here for you
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please dont, stay here, have you been in the chatroom?
  15. Thank you...but its useless now...I've decided, unless my "friend" forgives me...there's just nothing more for me to go on for...
    Its okay...I think this may be the best thing that ever happened to me...and a lot of people are going to be happy that I'm gone...I just hope its not painful...just a hit and then I'll be gone...I hope...
  16. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    There will be a lot of people unhappy if you go. please reconsider. be strong, you never know what's around the corner.

  17. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You say you were in the Mayo Clinic. Did they put you on meds? If they did then I think you were released to soon! Normally they monitor you for a couple of weeks to see if the meds were successful. The meds aren't any miracle cure they only help take the edge off, it is up to you to fight along with the meds to bring back those positive thoughts.
    You know I have been in and out of the hospital ten times in the last fifteen years.Been seeing a shrink on the outside and taking my meds faithfully. The one thing I have found that works best for me Is I found a really good therapist after going thru three before her. Gina is great she is no holds bar when it comes to depression, she says what is on her mind and if you don't like it tough shit. I like her. I never smile and she gets at least one smile per visit out of me. I guess what I am saying is you can seek help but you have to be honest with them so they can put together a treatment plan, and you have to put forth an effort to fighting it. Don't get me wrong I am still very suicidal but I have learned to live with it. I am walking that thin line right now myself. I finally got my shrink to send a letter to my regular doc saying it is o.k. to prescribe xanax for me because he can't. He has a formulary he has to follow and meds like xanax, valium, And klonopin he can't prescribe because people abuse them to get high. So give it a chance and I highly recommend a good therapist. Take Care!~Joseph~
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Dan. Please don't go through with your suicide plan. :hug:
  19. The note is all written out...all I'm waiting for is for my parents to go to makes me feel more comfortable to post on this board, I feel like I'm not alone in my decision...
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