I'm thinking of a million ways to do it. I will see my favorite girl tonight possibly. My ex whom I can't get over... whom I've made into some kind of goddess who would somehow save me from my despair. If I don't see her I will still see Katie, my second favorite person in the world. She is beautiful, and I am jealous that she is with another guy. And he might be there. It will kill me. No one to turn to, but suicide by any means necessary. Or I could just cut my arms and let them bleed 'till I pass out. I'm very sad. I love Rachel so much, it's been a year and a half. She'll never get out of my mind. I have to kill myself to kill the pain. The only thing I wish to do before I die is tell her one last time that I love her, and that will never die. That I'm going to a better place, and maybe one day we'll meet in heaven and be happy. But maybe I'm just babbling. I'm always on the line of should or shouldn't I? I've never done a suicide attempt because mine would be fool proof. If it's over, it's over. I've never tried halfheartedly. I've never cut because if I do it will be to bleed as much as possible and hopefully die. I'm walking that thin line. Most likely I'll be back here tomorrow fine. I just hope if I decide to kill myself that I don't find up in a vegetative state, in a wheelchair, or some other kind of disability. I don't want that. If it's the end, it's the fucking end!