The End

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fromthatshow, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I'm thinking of a million ways to do it.
    I will see my favorite girl tonight possibly. My ex whom I can't get over... whom I've made into some kind of goddess who would somehow save me from my despair. If I don't see her I will still see Katie, my second favorite person in the world. She is beautiful, and I am jealous that she is with another guy. And he might be there. It will kill me. No one to turn to, but suicide by any means necessary.
    Or I could just cut my arms and let them bleed 'till I pass out.
    I'm very sad. I love Rachel so much, it's been a year and a half. She'll never get out of my mind. I have to kill myself to kill the pain.
    The only thing I wish to do before I die is tell her one last time that I love her, and that will never die. That I'm going to a better place, and maybe one day we'll meet in heaven and be happy.

    But maybe I'm just babbling. I'm always on the line of should or shouldn't I? I've never done a suicide attempt because mine would be fool proof. If it's over, it's over. I've never tried halfheartedly. I've never cut because if I do it will be to bleed as much as possible and hopefully die. I'm walking that thin line. Most likely I'll be back here tomorrow fine. I just hope if I decide to kill myself that I don't find up in a vegetative state, in a wheelchair, or some other kind of disability. I don't want that. If it's the end, it's the fucking end!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2009
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Please don't do this Spencer :sad:.

    I know you're hurting babes but things will get better, I'm sure of it.

    Massive hugs :hug: xx
     
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I'm hurting, I'm crying, I miss her, I miss being loved. Katie loves me, and she feels like a mother to me almost. She is seven years older to me. But if I have to see her with this guy tonight I'm going to hurt so bad just because I want her all to myself.
    I am sooooooooooooo lonely. I want to be loved. Nobody loves me. I am soooo sad! I wish Rachel still loved me the way I love her. I hurt! :cry:
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't do it. I know you're hurting now, but things can change and get better. You won't always feel this bad!
     
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    *wipes away Spencer's tears & gives him a massive cuddle*

    It will get better hun, I know it doesn't feel like that right now but it will, please don't give up hope.

    I know it's totally a different kind of love, but we all love you here, it wouldn't be the same without you...plus we need you for the island!

    I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better, I really do.
     
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    thank you Claire.
    I wish you were here.
     
  7. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    I'll be thinking of you tonight honey xx
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Don't know what to say Spencer..Some relationships you never get over.. Hell my exwife is still in my heart and we haven't been together in 25 years..I have had relationships since her but none of them gave me a child.. My ex will always be my daughters mom..You will eventually be able to come to terms with this and move on..
     
  9. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    :sad: you can get through this! :hug:
     
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I sure hope the opportunity presents itself. I hope that God gives me an easy way out.
    But I'll most likely be here tomorrow :badday: but I don't want to be!