the end

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Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#41
Sometimes when you're lost in the woods it's hard to see the way out. But if you were to climb in a high tree and look over the forest, it's easier to see which way to go.

Rediculous comparison, I know. But what I'm trying to say is that even though a solution is hard to see sometimes, it's not necessarily so that it doesn't exist.
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#42
no. grandparents are old and not talkable. and we dont speak to the 2 uncles and their wives in the family. ive got no one. but its ok i dont care anymore. living isnt worth it.
Can't you go to a professional for help then? In Holland there are plenty of small companies who help people out with the things you mentioned (insurances etc.).
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#43
i made up reasons to come home bc of money. its so expensive to live on campus and i live 5 minutes away. when i want to go out they need to know when im coming back where im going and who im going to be with. sure yea theyre just overprotective. well in a while they wont have me to protect anymore.
Can't you talk to them about how you feel they're overprotective? Or go to a psychologist with them and talk about things? Personally, I feel it's very important that you do.
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#46
and besides, even when ive had no problems to speak of i still felt miserable. theres no escaping the feeling.
Have you ever been diagnosed with anything? I mean if you feel really, really bad but don't know why... You may have a problem that can be dealt with through therapy. I apologize if I'm out of line by having said this.
 

ASolitaryBlue

Well-Known Member
#47
Can't you talk to them about how you feel they're overprotective? Or go to a psychologist with them and talk about things? Personally, I feel it's very important that you do.
well, when i still lived in the dorm, i was calling home every night becuase my mom always wanted to talk. one day when i mentioned to them calling less often they flipped a shit, and basically threatened to leave me entirely on my own. looking back i shouldve said fuck it. then at least i wouldve been on my own and able to die sooner. and i went to a psych on campus this past week under threats from someone i know in campus that they would tell my parents i was suicidal if i didnt go. they guy basically told me that he didnt think me being there would help if i didnt want to be, and said he didnt think meds would work. so... nothing.
 

ASolitaryBlue

Well-Known Member
#48
So you feel like parents have control of everything and you are some puppet just playing the part?
im 19 and 2nd year at uni. my mom wouldnt let me register for next semesters classes without double checking everything and trying ot convince me to take different courses to make everything look better when i graduate. take that and apply it to the rest of my life.
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#49
and it doesnt matter. besides everything else, im a terrible person and i dont deserve to live.
The fact that you said "I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve to live" is actually a crystal clear indication that you're one of the good guys. I mean think about it; only the good guys care about being good or not.
 

pinkpetals33

Well-Known Member
#51
im 19 and 2nd year at uni. my mom wouldnt let me register for next semesters classes without double checking everything and trying ot convince me to take different courses to make everything look better when i graduate. take that and apply it to the rest of my life.
Now this makes more sense. You are right, you are a puppet it appears!

This scenerio is not unusual....what's unusual is the fact that you WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE! We know you are quite intelligent and outsdie the scope of it, it is extreme.....that's why we get urges to jump.

You're almost done with school granted, it' not a perfect world...it will never be....nor will we ever be perfect. Have you tried to constructively sit down with your parents and say "Hey, I'd like to have more of a active part in decideing my future..." I think it's correct to say that most parents assume they know what's best for their children and think their decisions are the best...

There are ways to negotiate with them without making them feel like they are jailers and ways to explain that you are capable of making life decisions. Granted, they may offer more input only b/c they have more gray hairs...

The other side, you NEED help....resources to expand your closed in life. Why did you give up track? Sax? You assume the team doesn't need you in rugby? You've talked yourself into being NOTHING that you cannot see yourself doing anything......YOU HAVE 3.9 GPA in college....that has BEARING in this world....I know friends that have practically killed themselves to get a 3.5 One of my gf's agreed to an arranged marriage cuz she was going acadamically nutz....b/c she never reached out and said "hey folks, time out....let's regroup b/c I am going under...." you have a right to express your feelings.....

Have you consdiered adding a school therapist every other week to monitor you?
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#52
well, when i still lived in the dorm, i was calling home every night becuase my mom always wanted to talk. one day when i mentioned to them calling less often they flipped a shit, and basically threatened to leave me entirely on my own. looking back i shouldve said fuck it. then at least i wouldve been on my own and able to die sooner. and i went to a psych on campus this past week under threats from someone i know in campus that they would tell my parents i was suicidal if i didnt go. they guy basically told me that he didnt think me being there would help if i didnt want to be, and said he didnt think meds would work. so... nothing.
That's a bad decision they made when they said that about leaving you entirely on your own. That's not how they should have reacted at all. :(

Someone "threatened" you because they were concerned, I assume?

Why don't you reconsider talking to a psychologist? It could possibly help you so much...
 

ASolitaryBlue

Well-Known Member
#55
1st problem, i dont believe in psychology, its for the most part a wannabe science that relies all too much on the subjective. how the hell can anyone know what me thinking something means? and how on earth could they know how to fix it? and besides it would only have a chance at helping if i was honest. and i cant be. i wasnt this week. i never will be. if i am that would mean admitting to being suicidal (ok) and admitting to having multiple plans which i have the means of carrying out (not ok). thats what gets you locked up, and if that happens then the parents know and it all goes even more downhill.
 

Sapphire

Well-Known Member
#57
It's almost 03:45AM where I live so I'm getting a bit fuzzy minded because I'm tired... I have to get some sleep but I'll be back tomorrow... Please don't end it all, cuttle25. There is hope. There is hope. There is hope. We are here for you. Everybody here can try to help you and there are so many of us here... Please stay here and talk to us. Things can turn around. People with even bigger problems than those that you have, have gotten through everything and are living happy lives now... So why shouldn't you be able to get through, as well?

I'll talk to you again soon, ok?
 

ASolitaryBlue

Well-Known Member
#58
thanks sapphire. i dont think itll happen tonight after all, if only bc too many people survive jumping. ill have to take time to get another plan ready, but thatll take a while...
 

pinkpetals33

Well-Known Member
#60
thanks sapphire. i dont think itll happen tonight after all, if only bc too many people survive jumping. ill have to take time to get another plan ready, but thatll take a while...
Well you're not exactly off the hook for saying "another plan" Let's take this moment by moment...........let's not build ROME in one day.
 
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