The End

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LostForever, Aug 24, 2006.

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  1. LostForever

    LostForever Guest

    I came to this site when my girl broke up with me, i felt alone, rejected, shatered ... i had no one, no catch me as i fall ... no one to talk to ... i have no friends. That was 4 months ago, and nothing has changed ... i've tried. Tried to make friend, tried to date ... every signle person rejected me.
    For example, i chated with this girl for 2 weeks ( since i have no one, that was all i could do .. meet people online ), everything was ok ... we had alot of things incommon, etc. So i gathered all the courage i had, and asked her to go out with me .... she said she will, she was very enthusiastic about it.
    We went out, watched a movie, walked, laughed .... and i never heard from her again ... that was it.

    That didn't really affected me, cause i got used to it over the past 4 months. She didn't like me, didn't like the way i look. There is no girl that does, i've kept getting reminded of that since i was 13-14.

    It's not just my looks that drive people away ... it's my personality, i'm neither funny, nor cute ... nothing. I can't be liked, loved ....
    What really hurts is seeing other people go out, have fun, date, being happy ... living their lives and being loved. And knowing i'm not meant for that (and i do know i'm not, just take my word on it).

    Funny thing is ... i was with my ex for 2 years and i do not know how to kiss. She didn't like kissing me, not with her tongue that is .... how sad is that?
    And she was everything to me .... just proves how unlikeable i am.

    And that resulted in just not caring about my life anymore, i just went numb, i have no feelings, just don't care.
    I really don't have courage to kill myself right now, but hey ... i'll snap one day:)

    And please no that ... "you'll meet someone one day" ... i don't want to wait 10 years to have a life, thank you very much.

    Sry for the long post, just needed to get it of my chest.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and glad you were able to express how you feel...sometimes when ppl say something like, 'you will meet someone', what they are saying is that they want to see you in less pain...i will say it more directly; i hope that you will be able to see the value in yourself, as there are many attributes you have (smart, caring, empathetic) which were apparent in your post...big hugs, Jackie
     
  3. LostForever

    LostForever Guest

    Thx for the reply.

    There is no value in me, i'm only here so other people can look at me and feel better about them selves. In this 20 years i had nothing going for me ... i'm not good looking, i'm ugly actually ... i'm not good at school/uni, failed uni this year ... have no friends .... i'm nothing .... and that is the truth. Even my own family keep reminding me i'm a faliure.

    So the everlasting question, why keep going, when you know for a fact, your life will be crap and you'll be rejected and alone ... and if someone is with you, it's not because of you and what you are ... but for some screwed up reasons that other person have ... why to go on?
     
  4. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Hey there, well I'm almost 16 and I have never had a boyfriend. Not that it matters to me *tear*. Guys just don't like me. I'm not pretty or funny or anything like that. Well, I have had one "boyfriend" (if you can even call him that), and my younger brother told me he'd beat the crap out of me if I talked to him (a little fyi, my brother is like 5'11'' and I'm 5'1". He pretty much looks like... I don't know, he's huge!!). Everyone always takes my happiness away. That was why I started to SI. Now my brother knows I SI and says he'll beat the crap out of me if I keep doing that. I do it anyway, but yeah. I totally know how you feel about realtionships because I don't have an effin life cause nobody will let me have one. I'm totally worthless and I don't deserve to be alive right now. I really want to SI too... *sob*... Does that mean I should die right now??? Girls at school are always comparing themselves to me and it makes me feel horrible. Is that kind of what you mean, except girls probably don't compare themselves to you, but do you feel a sort of... what's the word... it's not hurt but like your stomach is all twisted up inside and you just want to disappear. Is that how you feel too???
     
  5. LostForever

    LostForever Guest

    Hey.

    How i feel? I honestly can't describe it .... everyone just kept pushing me away, turning their back on me ... no matter how hard i tried, i just gave up eventualy.
    When i tell you i haven't truely smiled in 4 months, i think you can get a picture on how i feel.

    Everyone around me is happy, having fun with their friends and girlfriends/boyfriends ... and i'm just outcasted from it all, just hurts like hell.
    I never drank before, but now i'm either on antidepressants or drunk.

    And the best thing about it .. it will never change ... i'll just stay a screwed up guy, jeiiii. freakin life, never asked to be freakin borned.

    Feel free to PM me any time, if you want to talk or something ...
     
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    im sorry i dont know what to say, but i just want to say that people are in the same situation than you, and if we stick together then we can get thru this, your not alone :smile:

    im here if you wanna talk, feel free to pm me :smile:

    vikki
    xxx
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear you lost your Significant other. But as far as the whole not being liked by others thing.. you are not alone. As I say you have at least had someone like that no one has ever even given me the time of day.

    And I hate that saying "You will met someone someday" yes but someday is not now I am sad and needy now... It sucks and is pointless to endure years of suffering to just for temporary happiness..... I am with you on that...

    Please know you are not alone. Please know that you have experienced the compassion and caring of another. It could have only been for one week but that is more than I have had or ever will have... I have never had a significant other... hell I have never even been kissed.... just keep that in mind.
     
  8. zura

    zura Guest

    Hey,cool down man...Love is juz a verb...I wouldn't kill myslf bcoz of that kinda word...i noticed that u talked bout similarities between u n ur so-called lover/lovers...Who cares bou similarities?Life is bout diversities...it isn't about findin the similarities,it's bout enjoyin da differences...Anyway,I care bout u no matter how 'ugly' u might say bout ur look or how 'dull' ur personality is,cos I hate dscrimination...Nobody's perfect though....Who needs love anyway??:wink:
     
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    simply loving yourself can lead to happiness :smile:

    vikki x
     
  10. zura

    zura Guest

    I wonder if this can make u feel better...........................................................I.....I.....I.........................I..I....L....o...........ve.............yo.......................u...:tongue: ..Hey,juz kiddin....I'm always being so bubbly if I wanna kil myself.......Or maybe I'm juz havin da effects on those 8 pills,which I swallowed 5 hours ago.....:huh:
     
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