The Enigma in my brain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CuriosityWasFramed, Nov 26, 2008.

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  1. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    It's finished. I'm gone. Let nothing bleed into nothing.
    Thanks but no thanks for everyone support which has unfortunately kept me alive for so long.

    It's hard to explain but it feels like someone took an icecream scoop to my brain and replaced it with static. I can't get the drive to do anything. Or then, maybe I'm just too lazy to live.

    Dad if you find this I'm sorry, but nothing changed from 3 years ago. It's not you or mums fault, if there was a solution I wouldn't have taken it. No religious funeral please.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2008
  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with that statement!
    Why continue to live when you have no motivation to live?
    Do they honestly expect us to continue on just because they want us too?
    Should we live for them or ourselves?
    You can't kill yourself because it would be unfair to your family.
    In all irony they where the ones that brought me into this world... that I hate...and I don't want, isn't that unfair?

    They all think that if they can make you feel guilty that the guilt will motivate you to change. But in reality all that guilt does is fester inside you, making you feel even more worthless.

    I'm sorry that life is meaningless.
    I am sorry that they never asked if you wanted to be born.
    Life is a mess.... everything is a big fat mess.
  3. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    Workmen in my spot :mad:
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    That is part of the depressed state. I doubt it's who you really are. When we're depressed, we tend to take the darkest point of view of ourselves - such as "I'm just too lazy". Please don't blame yourself for not having a lot of drive right now. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't tell yourself you were too lazy to run a marathon. :smile: Your spirit is tired right now. Allow yourself the rest and time to get through it. Please don't give up.

    Stay safe and :hug:
  5. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    C...please dont' give up. You are such a good person. Take time for yourself in order to gain strength, do things that you can each day and allow your mind to catch up, to heal. Then you can think clearly again. I would hate to lose you, you have always been so kind to me. Pm me anytime, i will listen!

  6. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    Depressed state? I can't be arsed doing anything any day of the week. I've been like this for years so it is who I am.
  7. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    If I had words I'd give them to you, but it seems you're fed up of them as is, and I've felt a bit similarly to you so I know nothing is of particular help :unsure:

    It's up to you what you do, but I wish you the best whatever it is and I hope you find your peace somehow

    you're cared about from miles away and if my arms were :arms: that long I'd give you a big big hug from America

    In the meantime,


    Good luck.
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way for such a long time. I can see how you could feel that it is who you are. Still, depression can go on for a long time, and it can make us feel so apathetic, it gets hard to re-start ourselves.

    Maybe try things in small steps? (I know I feel overwhelmed if I try to do too much at once or think of all the things that I "ought" to do.) Perhaps you could do one little thing each day...go for a short walk, read a chapter in a book - whatever. :smile:

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
  9. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    I do try. I can stumble my way through a day.
    I don't see the point in going on though. I knew this would have to happen at one point. I regret not having died back then and if I don't I will still regret it.

    My brain is a fucking mess and I can't remember anything, or think, or do anything. I can just waste time and air.

    I was so prepared to die today but there was someone mixing cement RIGHT ON THE SPOT I NEED TO GET OVER and hopefully they will have fucked off tomorrow so I can cease to exist.
  10. ckeppa

    ckeppa Active Member

    i say, tonight ya go out with a hammer or axe of somesort, a huge blunt weapon.
    and DEMOLISH something.*pref glass, its more dramatic and satisfying :)* but try a bulding window, cars, or a junkyard. who cares if people get pissed. there opinions havnt effected your choise of life in the past. im sure at this point you really dont mind.
    and im sorry to those that feel it is wrong to destroy whats not yours. but life was lived befor your nice new jag, youll be fine without it. and im to depressed to give a shit anyway. call me a bastard for it. but if it makes you happy and ur on the point of suiside, life more important that that broken window.
    but when you've cracked a good one on everything around you. see if you feel any relief, any stress gone or mabe even a smile. if you do in any way, you Could make a living outa it ;p
    it could change ur mind, remember we all have to start with one foot infront of the other.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi CWF. I remember talking with you in the chatroom before, when I wasn't under moderation. You're an interesting fellow and have some really good opinions on things. I don't think that death is the answer that you're searching for. Why not stick around a while longer and see if things improve? :hug:
  12. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    I've been to the doctors and shit today. One more push I guess.
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What did the doctor have to say Simon?
  14. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    Not much really.
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