The fantasy...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tiredandsick25, Feb 5, 2015.

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  1. When I was much young my ultimate suicide fantasy was for me to summon up the courage to off via overdose and die in my sleep. I imagined everyone feeling "bad" for me taking mylife and how they would finally realize that I "meant business". I thought of myself almost as a badass for
    Wanting to exit this world. I imagined that I would be able to just slip away and exit all the suffering and for everything to just cease to exist.

    I see this fantasy as a form of escapism. I know what was causing it and why I still have suicidal thought. I am not mentally ill I was and am simply responding to the aggravators. Like being pushed over the edge by stress and circumstances. In the end I just want to escape.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I would say that anybody who has suicidal fantasies would be classed as mentally ill, as it's not normal to healthy to have these kind of thoughts and is not a sign of good mental health. A lot of people who are suicidal and depressed are ill because of external stressers and aggravators rather than a chemical imbalance that can be solved with meds and therapy. For people who are depressed by circumstance, meds and therapy can help you cope but you need that situation to change. What situation are you currently experiencing that keeps you feeling suicidal?
  3. Well I have seen plenty of Psychiatrists and none hav been able to pin down diagnosis. They thought I had some borderline traits at 14 and anxiety but that tended to phase out I got older (now 25). And the symptoms were not consistent.

    I have health problems, no family or friends or any type of employment. I had previously battled Cancer in the parotid gland at 20 and then developed additional disorders.

    I was on meds and did severel hospitalizations and EST (electric shock) but nothing helped to remove the suicidal thoughts and I could not get a specific diagnosis despite seeing 15 different psychiatrists since 2003.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm not a doctor so I cannot possibly suggest any sort of diagnosis. I would say that it's a mental health "issue" to feel suicidal because our instincts are set to "survival mode." If they weren't, nothing would hurt and nothing would spur us to change anything.

    You have had a lot on your plate (emotionally and physically) it seems, and have seen a lot of doctors. Maybe there are more things in your emotional life to explore "in depth" and over a longer period. Perhaps finding one counsellor you could see long-term and really establishing trust with him/her would help you. Therapy and setting up life the way we want it to be can take time. Depending on what has brought us to a low point - it probably took a number of years and bad experiences - it will likely take more than a few sessions with a shrink to "untangle" the past. But it's worth doing. Life might not be perfect, but it can be satisfying and enjoyable.

    I'm glad you found SF and hope that you make some new friends here. We're a pretty supportive group and maybe you won't feel like you are facing things alone anymore. :)
  5. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Tiredandsick25, I can relate to you saying that you are not mentally ill yet still want to die. Too many people automatically assume that anyone who wants to commit suicide is indeed mentally ill, which they are not. Oftentimes people experience such traumatic experiences and other tragic occurrences which render their existences and their futures bleak and hopeless. I know that is the case in my situation.
  6. Thank you for understanding. I have told many counsellors and psychiatrists this and after carefully assessing me and going through a check list of symptoms they too agreed that I do not have a particular mental illness.

    A person can feel suicidal for a variety of reasons - not just "mental illness". The idea that everyone who engages in this pattern of thinking is "insane" or suffering from an "undiagnosed form of mental illness" is pure ignorance.
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