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The feelings are back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shannew, Mar 6, 2018.

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  1. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    I'm back to feeling the emptiness, the loneliness, and like nothing is going to get better and life is not worth living. Everything is so hard and everyone is so rude.
    I was making progress but I'm right back where I started.. I don't know what to do or how it has come to this :(

    Feeling so helpless..
  2. Shan, I feel exactly the same thing. It's maybe worse now than before. I know it's a cycle that gets better/worse/better... When does it stop? Can we get through it together? I just feel totally worthless.
    Shannew likes this.
  3. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Hello Shannew.

    Like @A guy with feelings says, it's that better/worse/better scenario. You're not alone and sadly it seems to be a recurring feature in everyone's journey.

    This is just my way of thinking but I thought I'd post it here as it may help you or someone:

    As we start to heal, move forward in our lives and leave the past behind, we can sometimes forget what we've learned so far, or take it for granted. I see it as climbing a tall tower or mountain. The higher we climb, the farther it is we have to fall, which makes it seem all the worse when we inevitably do. The trick I use is to imagine landings or plateaus, resting points if you will. When I learn something like a coping mechanism or a truth about the past that I hadn't appreciated before, I try to pause for a while and take stock of it all rather than carrying on up too quickly. I try to understand fully what I've learned and put meaning to it in a way that is unique to me and helps me remember these things. By doing this I create a proverbial way point, a plateau on my mountain, or a landing so far up the tower. This way, when I do take a step back, stumble and fall, I don't feel like I've gone right back to the beginning. I can return to my resting point, strengthen my resolve, reassess the climb, and then try another direction knowing it's not that far up this time.

    We all falter, it's only natural to, but try to remember how far you've come already. Don't dishearten yourself by looking up and being afraid of how far you have to go, but take a moment to appreciate where you are and what you've learned about yourself already.

    You have an amazing career ahead of you, and after your previous posts I think you started to establish that you have been caught up in a long running feud within your family that was not of your making. You realised that you have a lot more worth than you may have previously thought, and that you have a lot to teach these people who really should know better. You can be an inspiration to those around you that aren't as strong of mind and spirit as you are. Plus, you're now a Chat Pro, which is pretty cool and well deserved.

    Don't try to take too much in at this stage. Just note down, mentally or literally, what you've gathered so far and how you've managed to cope with what you have; and as much as it may not seem like it now, you have come a long way and dealt beautifully with a lot of issues that would have long since broken many others. Be proud of what you've achieved and use it as your first plateau on your journey up the mountain. Keep creating more and more, building on the last one, until eventually you reach the top and get to enjoy the view. Just because we fall, doesn't mean we have to start again. Take a moment and let us help you to your feet, as you have done for so many people.

    As an example, I took a huge dip last night and fell backward. Thankfully, however, I remember what I've learned in counselling and that I have this wonderful family here to support me when I need it. Rather than feeling hopeless and that all my efforts so far have been a waste of time, I actually feel like I've only stumbled and can carry on a lot quicker and stronger than I have done in the past.

    I know this might sound daft, and I'm sure you could come up with a far better psychological explanation for the theory, you may even think I'm mad (you wouldn't be the first!) but it's just a visualisation that helps me sometimes.

    On a more relevant note, do you know what has triggered you to feel like this? It helps if we can recognise what causes the set backs in order to better cope with them if and when they return.

    We're all here for you and ready to listen as always, you're not alone; you're not empty, but full of life, love, and compassion; and when you feel helpless, lean on us and take a breather.{{Hedgehugs}}
    Shannew likes this.
  4. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    Shann, during the process of recovery where we all seem to be making progress, there will be moments where there will be a dip. Things may seem that you are back to square one again, but just remember that there have been signs that you are getting better and are getting through this. A dip does not have to be permanent. So pause, take a deep breath then carry on with your journey and know that we will be here for you supporting you all the way. I can understand that things can be hard and people can be rude assholes, or just assholes even, but maybe try to see things as it's because you are not like them that you are affected this way. Therefore it shows your caring and good character which itself is a victory amongst all the adversity you have faced.
    I guess it can also make one more appreciative when the more good times return.
    So keep on being yourself my friend, let this moment pass as we will be right by your side through both the good times and the rough.
    Shannew and Karmitkurmit like this.
  5. K.L. Freebyrd

    K.L. Freebyrd Active Member

    I know it can be so hard to feel like you've made progress only to fall back again. But you're doing awesome. I think it's very brave of you to really take inventory on your feelings, open up about them, and keep moving forward. It's such a good step to have a support system like this to vent, have support, and relate to others who are or have struggled. I know for me, another important step was getting connected to a good church and talking with a counselor. Now I seem to have more good days than bad and encouraging others gives my past struggles purpose. Keep going, it will get better!
    Shannew and Karmitkurmit like this.
  6. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I feel like there is nowhere to go. Even my family hates me. My mother is especially obsessed with being pretty and popular.
  7. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Yes exactly a really bad cycle :(
    It sucks cause when you're high you forget how the lows feel, and when you're low you forget how the happy times feel
    But we can get through this together!
    Take care my friend, talk soon x
    A guy with feelings likes this.
  8. I am awake for a moment because... Well at 01:30 you can guess. So I got the message you posted.

    Sending you a massive hug <3
    Shannew likes this.
  9. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Aww karmit thankyou so much for the good advice and support! <3 <3 <3
    I agree with all of your points, its so hard to remember how far we've come sometimes and just give into the helpless thinking! But I have learnt to give myself time, usually I can get back up within a day and I am feeling better now :)
    That wash of negative feeling, I don't know what came over me, I'm thinking its because of my BPD so hopefully therapy will help when I can finally start it.
    Anyway, I'm so glad you think in this way and you've overcome these feelings using this technique, I'll be sure to use it in the future :)
    My triggers was not feeling like I was connecting with some of my friends the way I wanted to be. I had 4 people on my mind I felt were acting a bit indifferent towards me and in that state of mind I start thinking to extremes like wanting to yell at them but now that I'm in a good state of mind I'm able to think logically and proactively and give them the benefit of the doubt. I was also feeling down about my ex, feeling alone, comparing myself to my friends who were not single and wondering why I haven't found good, committed guys.
  10. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Aww thank you so much Ash, you're absolutely right I won't let the temporary moments of feeling down be anything more than what they are.
    You're so sweet, thank you for the support *hugs
  11. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Thank you so much freebyrd! You're so sweet for saying so thankyou :)
    I'm so glad you're having more good days than bad! I think i'm eventually getting there too!
    Thanks for the support, I will keep going!
  12. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Hi April, I'm so sorry you feel that way. You're strong don't let others pressure you, rise above the adversity my friend x

    Message me if you need to talk, take care x
  13. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    Thank you! :)
    Shannew likes this.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @Shannew be the bigger person and ignore their rudeness. You are a gentle person with a huge warm heart and don't let anyone, no one take that away from you. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I love the quote ''when you feel like giving up remember why you held on for so long'' and that quote is so true and applies to a lot of lifes issues :) Be yourself 'cos no one can replace you :)
    Shannew and Karmitkurmit like this.
  15. Miss my Happy

    Miss my Happy Member

    Still hanging on here too. The feelings of hopelessness scare me. It isn’t easy hanging on during the very dark days. Thank you for sharing. It helps not not to feel so alone to know others understand and are trying to stay strong too.
    Shannew likes this.
  16. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Thank you so much petal, you're so incredibly sweet! I will keep being strong and holding on. I hate being so emotional though..
  17. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    You're definitely not alone my friend. WE WILL SURVIVE THIS!
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
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