Hello Shannew.
Like
@A guy with feelings says, it's that better/worse/better scenario. You're not alone and sadly it seems to be a recurring feature in everyone's journey.
This is just my way of thinking but I thought I'd post it here as it may help you or someone:
As we start to heal, move forward in our lives and leave the past behind, we can sometimes forget what we've learned so far, or take it for granted. I see it as climbing a tall tower or mountain. The higher we climb, the farther it is we have to fall, which makes it seem all the worse when we inevitably do. The trick I use is to imagine landings or plateaus, resting points if you will. When I learn something like a coping mechanism or a truth about the past that I hadn't appreciated before, I try to pause for a while and take stock of it all rather than carrying on up too quickly. I try to understand fully what I've learned and put meaning to it in a way that is unique to me and helps me remember these things. By doing this I create a proverbial way point, a plateau on my mountain, or a landing so far up the tower. This way, when I do take a step back, stumble and fall, I don't feel like I've gone right back to the beginning. I can return to my resting point, strengthen my resolve, reassess the climb, and then try another direction knowing it's not that far up this time.
We all falter, it's only natural to, but try to remember how far you've come already. Don't dishearten yourself by looking up and being afraid of how far you have to go, but take a moment to appreciate where you are and what you've learned about yourself already.
You have an amazing career ahead of you, and after your previous posts I think you started to establish that you have been caught up in a long running feud within your family that was not of your making. You realised that you have a lot more worth than you may have previously thought, and that you have a lot to teach these people who really should know better. You can be an inspiration to those around you that aren't as strong of mind and spirit as you are. Plus, you're now a Chat Pro, which is pretty cool and well deserved.
Don't try to take too much in at this stage. Just note down, mentally or literally, what you've gathered so far and how you've managed to cope with what you have; and as much as it may not seem like it now, you have come a long way and dealt beautifully with a lot of issues that would have long since broken many others. Be proud of what you've achieved and use it as your first plateau on your journey up the mountain. Keep creating more and more, building on the last one, until eventually you reach the top and get to enjoy the view. Just because we fall, doesn't mean we have to start again. Take a moment and let us help you to your feet, as you have done for so many people.
As an example, I took a huge dip last night and fell backward. Thankfully, however, I remember what I've learned in counselling and that I have this wonderful family here to support me when I need it. Rather than feeling hopeless and that all my efforts so far have been a waste of time, I actually feel like I've only stumbled and can carry on a lot quicker and stronger than I have done in the past.
I know this might sound daft, and I'm sure you could come up with a far better psychological explanation for the theory, you may even think I'm mad (you wouldn't be the first!) but it's just a visualisation that helps me sometimes.
On a more relevant note, do you know what has triggered you to feel like this? It helps if we can recognise what causes the set backs in order to better cope with them if and when they return.
We're all here for you and ready to listen as always, you're not alone; you're not empty, but full of life, love, and compassion; and when you feel helpless, lean on us and take a breather.{{Hedgehugs}}