When I was shut in hospital I wasn't able to cut properly for 9 days. I did manage to do some light cuts, and I could still feel them a little, but I really needed the blood from deeper cuts. Now I'm out I still have no knifes, I managed to get one, but its almost blunt, I can get anything out of it. It's weird I wanted to cut so badly yesterday, but when I went to make the deeper cuts I couldn't bring myself to do it, this is killing me I need to feel something! I'm blaming the knife, it takes a lot more to get deep with it, but I'm worried that it could be me, did all the crap they told me in hospital actually do something? I like cutting I want to do it, I'm lost here. If I stop I want it to be by my terms, why can't I cut? I'm off to get my knifes back from a friend, I doubt she'll give them back, and if she dose I don't know if I can cut. This feels so weird, before I was trying to stop, now I have stopped and I don't want to.