"The fight"

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by RobFrostFan, Apr 18, 2014.

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  1. RobFrostFan

    RobFrostFan Member

    I thought I'd post this. I wrote it a few nights ago. I've been reading a lot of poetry, and it does help. I must admit, idk the first thing about writing and iambic pentameter, etc. But here goes:

    "I saw shore through the mist,
    With it's golden colored sand.

    I called out,
    but there was no return.

    And my vessel was heavy and swollen.
    The boards started to give.

    I called once more,
    I yelled once more.

    The light did shine,
    Upon those flowers so devine.

    I heard thunder from behind,
    In front, the flowers so devine.

    I felt the cold rush over me,
    and upon my deck.

    I called once more,
    I called once more.

    The vessel started to drift,
    toward the storm.

    I started to work,
    to save my fair vessel.

    Thunder from behind,
    I looked forward, the flowers so devine.

    And I called once more.
    I called out once more."
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You say you don't know much about writing, but I think this poem is well written, and flows well. I really liked it, so thanks for posting. :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes i enjoyed your poem very much
  4. loneland

    loneland Member

    You don't need to know about meter, iambic pentameter, etc. to write well. You just need to write what you know. I feel you know this poem. It's lovely, sad, and grey. I can see the golden shore.
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