Hello everyone, I'm Chao. I decided to sign up on these forums when I simply couldn't stop my negative thoughts about myself. I really want to get back on track but it seems so hard. Little bit about me. I'm a 21 year old male residing in Australia. Born in the UK, I moved to Switzerland at a young age leaving behind most of my family and all friends. I didn't speak the language and was bullied. From age 9-15 I saw a psychiatrist twice a week. I just began to settle in when I was told that my father had to relocate to Australia for work. I ran away from home and attempted to overdose on my drugs. I saw the psychiatrist 5 days a week for 2 weeks in the final month in Europe. Since moving to Australia my family and I have made no effort to know any of our neighbors and we as a family have no friends. When I finished highschool not a single friend spoke with me anymore. Over the years they have removed me from social media without saying anything. I tried university but ended up so addicted to Online Games that I flunked it, costing over $10000. I tried college instead. I had great friends there but as we finished in December all of my friends got a job with the same company. I also applied for the job but got declined since I couldnt drive (the job is computer technician at schools). Since then I have tried applying for hundreds of jobs and have been declined either on lack of experience or due to not being able to drive. As a child I was often sick, my worst being 3 weeks in hospital with HSP. My immune system is bad and I am stuck with colds, fevers, sinusitis. I am half deaf, with hearing aids. I am shortsighted as well. My thyroid started to go bad two years ago and now I am on eutroxsig. I also have chronic asthma and my last test showed I use my lungs to roughly 60% of their capacity. When I turned 21 I was no longer covered by health insurance, and without a job I can't afford it. So I am sick, jobless and I have no friends. My family are all very busy and think I am lazy, telling me that I'm useless and should get a job. I want to just end my life since I don't seem to be able to do anything right, but even then that'd be putting a financial burden on my parents. I am tempted to fly to an asian country and just die there instead.