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The FML element...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rx4brdm, Jul 5, 2012.

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  1. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    ...Seems to be a pretty common element in my life.

    I'm done, this nightmare refuses to go away. Every time I get up, I get knocked back down. This last issue will continue for at least a year and I don't think I can continue.

    I really don't see how they expect me to live with that budget. $500 per month after what they consider essentials seems reasonable to them and the rep I went to see didn't see how I couldn't do it. Yes, I can get rid of my cable but that removes a stress relief. No possible way I can get rid of the internet, uh-uh, not gonna happen. It's definitely an essential IMHO. Every other month my prescriptions add up to $150, one therapist visit (necessity), $30. Roughly $200 per month for my gas and if they expect to get around without my car, they may as well have just shot me while I was in the office. With the cable and internet bill that adds up to $530/month. Hmm, can I live without food? I really don't see how having my dog can continue 'cause that is obviously not an essential.

    I just don't understand how they go after someone, for a mistake they made. When we have people scamming them for their income. They gotta go after a man that works hard for his money.
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Life sucks when you are audited. My parents keep 7 years worth of tax stuff in the cubby here in my room. They keep it just in case they are audited. Always keep your records! I keep mine too because I don't want to be audited either. Even if they screwed it up, just know that they get audited too.
  3. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    It's actually SSA hitting me. They decided I got too much money back in 1999-2000 and they decide to get me now, when I have taken on the biggest financial responsibility in my life. A house. It isn't in my name but I pay the mortgage every month so it will be mine, some day. And that was 12 years ago, seems to me I've paid it back out of the money that gets stolen from my paycheck every week for a benefit that will probably not even exist in 23 years (I think they said 62 was retirement age). And even then, $12k a year and they expect you to be able to survive in California?!?

    It really just seems like I wasn't supposed to survive after birth. Pneumonia 6 times before I turned 2. Which caused me to have asthma. Then epileptic seizures came on later in life. They weren't under control until I turned 28 and had brain surgery. I thought a lot about this the other day (probably trying to come up with a good reason to end my misery), maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But medical procedures and medications kept me alive. I feel I'm just cheating my destiny.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2012
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm really sorry you're going through a red tape process on this. Sucks big time when they hit the little guy.

    Just a comment in general...It seems to me that many times social assistance incomes seem to be "subsistence" level. Some countries' governments don't even offer that much. I've read that in some places, the social assistance application is more like a questionnaire to find reasons to disqualify a person from getting financial aid from the government.

    rx4brdm, I hope you can find a way to work things out. I wish it wasn't so rough for you.
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I don't know your physical situation, but have you considered picking up a part time job? Perhaps relocation (California is expensive to live in... which is why I moved my family out, even though I miss my home there - Northern California is one of the highest priced). Cable TV... is there really anything on TV any more anyways? I call that thing the "reality box." While I do have cable TV, in another room my wife uses an antenna for a TV she sometimes watches and she actually picks up about 8 decent stations, enough for news and some PBS programming. I have friends who cannot afford Internet, but they're online a lot. They go to the library and use the computer online for free (one goes quite a distance to get there). Others get their fix over WiFi. They're starting to install free WiFi around our city, especially in the public parks. My parents don't even know what "Internet" is, and they seem fine without it - I grew up without it - I remember black and white TV, no such thing as cable, and I was amazed the first time that I played Pong. The government provides assistance in the form of checks, as stated above, for "subsistence." It's definitely just enough to scrape by. Have you considered roommates? If they made a mistake and you're paying for it... fight it. I'm assuming that they were paying out more than they were supposed to at one time and that is what they're trying to recoup. Were you aware at that time that they were overpaying?

    I don't want to sound anti or negative, I'm just trying to play devil's advocate to try to help sort the thoughts out a bit - There are always solutions and work-around ideas. It seems your situation of distress is financially inspired so perhaps thinking of methods to add to the income or to reduce costs would be beneficial. A well laid plan can often assist the most. Best of luck either way.
  6. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice.

    Moving is not an option. I have 28 years and 9 months before this place is going to be all mine. And I wouldn't even try to sell in this market. I would go through some serious withdrawals without my hockey starting in October, plus I'm stuck in a 2 yr contract. No laptop, so home is where the pc will be used and I tried the Wi-Fi approach, won't work. And yes, I do remember the simple days of my youth. 2 phones in the house, 1 TV, no cable. I wasn't lucky enough to have Pong or an Atari but I don't believe I would have used it anyways. Those were the days I could go out with friends and be home by dinner time, during the summer just call and ask if you have to come home. Unfortunately, those days are gone. My bank is something like 120 miles away and there is just no easier way to pay my bills. I'm going over my budget and removing every unnecessary bill I can.

    Renting out a room may work but I really don't trust people anymore. I even check to make sure my car is locked 2x's, even when it's in my garage!

    And believe me there is far more than just a financial issue causing this. Read some of my threads beside this one some time. I'd never try to say my life is the worst but I have been through shit that has put me to this point several times in my adult life. Things I wouldn't even wish would happen to my worst enemies.

    I thought about getting a second job, the one issue there is my epilepsy. I know, sounds like an excuse. Every time I have gone into major overtime or 2 jobs in the past the seizures started again. Lack of sleep, stress, odd hours. I can't take that risk. If they start again my license is more than likely revoked or at least suspended and then it takes 6-12 months to get it back. And I've already done that once in the last 3 years, that's what made me become an SF member. I gave up my freedom, had to leave the job and it put me right on the edge, about the same position I'm in right now.

    I can't do it anymore. It's been about a year now since the depression came back and when this hit me it put me in a position I don't have the willpower or see any reason to continue. I really don't care anymore if I live another day, so I don't see the problem in ending the torture now.
  7. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    Good news for me. Uncle Sam decided taking 15% of my pay wasn't going to work. Got my first paycheck w/o that ugly mark on it today. Too bad it was check for only 24 hours of work due to 4th of July holiday and July 5th was my appointment to try and get it stopped.

    Still very surprised they came to a decision that fast.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :yeah: so pleased Ben...You won another battle??!!! :hiya:
  9. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    I'll say a temporary treaty. I know it will come up again, so if I can find a way to pay it off, I will.
  10. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    And thank you everyone for your advice and support.
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