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The Gay "Tug-of-War"

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by helpseeker21, Jul 8, 2009.


Has the "tug-of-war" feeling described in the thread posted affected your life?

  1. YES EXACTLY! (I can relate entirely; it greatly hindered(s) my daily life.)

    6 vote(s)
  2. Somewhat, yes.. (Went through this but without too many issues.)

    1 vote(s)
  3. Nope! But been there, done that! (Can relate but had no problems in making the right choices!)

    2 vote(s)
  4. What R U talkin' about?! (No experience in this type of situation.)

    4 vote(s)
  1. helpseeker21

    helpseeker21 New Member

    Hi everyone!

    This is a section out of a previous post. I will remain anonymous, but am curious as to who feels this way currently or has felt something similar to what I am feeling currently regarding homosexuality. I just basically want input from outside sources, so here goes..

    I am gay, but with my southern conservative family, coming out and being myself to the ones I love the most would most definitely be impossible and cause major separation. This hurts more than anything, because my family is such a tight bunch. We all live in the same area, with the exception of me living off at college only two hours away. My main concerns are to find my significant other and be happy, and to have my family happy with ME, but that will NEVER happen in my eyes. This quandary has left me in such emotional and mental pain for so long, at least since I was 13, that I am about to have a nervous breakdown (or so I feel.) I am now 21 years old and I feel like I am being pushed to grow up and don’t know how to go about doing so.

    The main problem in my eyes is that I was raised in church and have a "tug-of-war" dilemma that has been going on between my Christian beliefs and who I want to be, which is a normal 21 year old gay college student who will stand up for freedom and equality (especially concerning gay rights and minority groups.) I feel that if I just come out to my whole family, then I will feel more open and free but will also feel some remorse for giving up my religious beliefs that have been instilled in me all throughout adolescence.

    Conclusively, if you have ever had any experience with the feeling of losing your religious morals due to self-identity and the "tug-of-war" dilemma described above, I would love your advice and opinions.

    Best Wishes!

    ~May Michael Jackson live on through song and inspiration. R.I.P MJ~
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey hun
    i haven't really been in this situation - my immediate family aren't all that religious, but if my grandparents found out i was bisexual they wouldn't be happy and would always advise me to keep a hetarosexual relationship. so i can sort of understand :smile:

    you shouldn't beat yourself up about the whole religion/gay thing... you can still believe but just a little differently to your family. there can't be any harm in that right?
    i hope everything works out and you find the right time to tell your family, and they are accepting :heart:
    triggs xx
  3. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    You don't have to agree with everything the church says to maintain your religious beliefs. Believe in what you want to believe in, not what somebody tells you to believe in.
  4. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    I was raised a catholic and when i was younger I struggled with my faith and who I was but now it doesnt bother me cause well I just dont believe there is a god so no worries for me...but I can certainly relate to it tho as I was soo conflicted about it when I was going thru that. I wondered and questioned if god really loved me and wanted me to be who i was or if i should just hide it...I chose to be who i was and forget the whole god thing.
  5. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    While there are details that are different for me, yeah, I can relate.

    I'm transsexual and I deal with something similiar with my family. I've had to come out (trans people really don't get the option of staying in the closet) and now they can barely look at me anymore. It makes me want to go back except that going back would be like a fate worse than death. I really wish I didn't have to do this, but I can't imagine living any other way at this point in my life.
  6. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    Tug of war... let's see. I came out as a lesbian a couple years ago. Most of my family doesn't like it, too bad for them really. I'm happier with myself now than I ever was in my entire life. Sure I'm poor, and financially independent but this self worth and confidence stuff I have now is amazing. At least my girlfriend's family totally accepts me, and the funny thing is they're Catholic, and my family doesn't even go to church anymore. The only people in my family who aren't two faced are apparently my three little sisters.