The good and the bad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jenniferelaine, Apr 12, 2010.

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  1. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    The good.....I'm not suicidal.

    The order to get that way, I stopped taking my meds about two weeks ago. I'm bipolar and on some pretty heavy duty stuff....and at the time I decided to start hoarding my meds "just in case".

    So........I finally went out for the first time in a month. I went to a thing with friends, and was staying at someone's apartment 2.5 hours away. Around 2 in the morning, I got angry/agitated and decided that I wanted to leave *right then*. So I did.

    When I'm depressed, I don't have the motivation to function. Some days I can't even force myself out of bed. I tried drinking to make me forget, and it didn't work so I stopped.

    But right now I'm verging on mania/hypomania. Can't sit still, can't sleep, brain is in three million places at once. ETA: and hypomania/mania for me is *not* a pleasant experience. I am an angry, nasty, mean manic. It's good not to feel like offing myself, but I'm not much more functional.

  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i dont think you should stop taking your meds without a doctors supervision, you can do yourself more harm than good. i hope you rethink and start taking your meds again. how long were you on them? bi polar is hard enough to live with without the unsteadiness of not know how you will be off the meds have you a therapist you can talk this through with
  3. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    Oh I know. If I have to withdraw again, I want a medical detox. It is NOT FUN. I've been on this stuff for year and years...something like 7 years on the same cocktail.
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    You definitely shouldn't stop taking your meds if you're bipolar. My friend's dad (who was bipolar) killed himself while not on his meds. Sure, you aren't suicidal right now, but the very nature of your disorder means you can change in an instant. Bipolar disorder is one of the disorders that you need to keep taking your meds with, because you will probably either act out or do something rash when you aren't feeling good. I don't want to scare you, I want to help you realize what a bad choice you are making.

    Please don't be foolish, take your meds.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2010
  5. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    Yup. Know this and have told hundreds of people this. But you know what? When you feel like shit, and the only thing that has STOPPED making me feel like killing myself is to stop taking the meds...I'm going to make the bad choice. This is MUCH better.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well now you see you have made a bad choice get in okay talk to your doctor and get help do yourself a favor here get in and get stable okay take care
  7. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    It might be the bad thing to do in the long term, but so what if it keeps me around for the long term?
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    agree with violet...
  9. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    Today is the first day in a long time where I feel okay.
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    that's good ...but I hope it's not the calm before the storm....
    promise to go see your doctor if you feel bad again...hugs
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