The grey *pos trigger so sorry*

[mr_al]

"You can't win, you're useless" hmm those words thats all they are though.
Funnily enough i live up to that statement, chronic underachiever, one of those losers your teachers will tell you about. Who had everything then dashed it all away.

My world doesn't believe in depression, believes more in "Life is unfair; deal with it" or "Someone has always got it worse than you", "It's just a phase it'll go" hehe my favourite "Just snap out of it". As if they don't think i want to just do that. These statements have put me off posting here as my problems are just so trivial, also stopped me seeking professional help.

Don't think i ever will for that matter. Guess i'm that lost cause too.

Tried my best trying to sort through it all but i can't, i mean this "phase" has lasted me since well since they thought screaming and hitting would get through to me. I didn't clean my room that time, my fault i'm sorry. The flashbacks come back with every raised voice expecting a "correcting blow"

Sometimes.. i really feel i need one, today is no exception. Taste of blood might be nice in my mouth.

I'm sorry alright..sorry excuse for a person let alone a "man". My thoughts have wondered a lot.

Sorry for whining so much,

Al.

 

[Wonderstuff]

Oh hun, you're not whining :hug:
I wish there was something I could really do to help you. You're NOT uesless, no matter how many times you may have heard that...and since this really isn't a phase, you totally SHOULD seek professional help...
I know what you mean about your world not believing in depression. My parents are the same in *that* respect at least. But as for the "correcting blows"...they in themselves are wrong. You know? You expect to get harmed for doing things that aren't even wrong, just because someone used to take exception to them. That is really...
Like I said, I wish there was something I could do. I'm here, ok, anytime you want to talk, or anything. And you are not a "sorry excuse for a person", you are a wonderful and caring person who has had a tough time of it, and we are here for you no matter what.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Watch out your way of thought is dangerous here... I feel very much the same way. There are those of us who cannot get out of depression. We are doomed plagued by our lesser existences.

As for whining... ha you want to see whining read all of my topics... feelings are feelings... and depression is caused by many things..... and the depression hurts just as much no matter what those things are.

In the end my ultimate philosophy is that "tomorrow will always come" so I need to have my facade ready for the world.

 

[TearsDropBloodTrickles]

I know how you feel i didnt seek help for ages because i didnt believe i was depressed, and when i did finally ask for help, i refused to take meds and i only went to two sessions with my therapist, cos i still didnt believe i was 'sick.' Luckily your discouragement is coming from other people, just rise above them, you need to realise you need to do whats best for you, no matter how trival your problem maybe, if you need help, then you need help, dont be afraid to ask for it.

As for being hit, i know that scenario all too well. And I know what its like to feel that you deserve it, but no one does. You want to feel something, anything, but trust me in the end it doesnt help. If you ever need to talk, let us know.

You know whats most interesting is we're all depressed and we're seeking help from others who are depressed, makes sense doesn't it ? I guess it's just nice to be heard, understood. *Sigh* Isn't Life Amazing.