The Heaven is against me.

[nicesinging1]

As I was growing up, I have faced a number of challenges that drove me toward edge. They were mostly psychological challenges. First it was severe depression which literally made me endure extreme anxieties, depressions, panic attack, ADD as well as loneliness.
I fought on believing it is unfortunate part of life and hoping that life will get better. During those mentally turbulous times, I always maintained personal conviction which is to stay away from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex. I could easily have turned to one of those to relieve stresses but I never did.
Now as if I haven't suffered enough, I am having to endure a lust problem which has given me as much pains as severe depression if not worse. And I haven't even overcome my depression yet.
Today, I looked up sky and said to myself, "The Heaven must be against me. There is no reason anyone deserves to go through things like this. Is this how my life is supposed to be after all I have tried?"
That is how I truly feel deep inside. Things that shouldn't happen in anyone's life have happened in my life. Things that no one should go through have already happened in my life.
I honestly don't know how to go about living a life that is full of mental tortures, torments, mental abuses, sufferings. The Heaven must be against me.

 

[gentlelady]

I don't think anyone or anything is truly against you , though it must seem like it most of the time. I know you said you ahve been trying to combat this for a long time. This problem is not as obscure as you think. Help can be found. Please don't give up. Be willing to work hard toward the goal of getting rid of it. Be open to all suggestions, even ones that will be difficult for you to achieve. You can do this. Take care hun. :hug:

 

[TheBLA]

Hey nicesinging, glad to see you around here again. I like you, also have stayed away from things such as smoking, drugs, alcohol, etc. I also feel that some divine force is against me, I also struggle with depression, lonliness, inferiority, etc. And yet everybody else around me is all problem free, much better off than me and I can't help but think that its bad karma or something, that heaven is also against me.

It sounds strange coming from one equally if not more depressed than you, that things CAN get better, I know that they at least CAN, I guess its mostly up to us to MAKE it happen, of course I know thats no easy feat at all.
I also have a bit of a pornography addiction like you as well, we have many many things in common. I hope you can still stick around, hang on and keep talking. Keep in touch. :smile:

 

[gentlelady]

:hug: to both of you. :grouphug: