the hell is my problem.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cult logic, Mar 15, 2010.

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  1. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    One moment I am fine, then someone says one little thing or something minor happens and I get pushed over the edge so fast and am suddenly suicidal.

    I realize how much of a failure I am and how I can't do anything right and how life is worthless.

    Then something else happens and I am fine again.

    I don't know what to do anymore how can a person be so fragile and function in society. The wrong thing is said it doesn't even need to be directed at me and I'll be at my throat with a knife.

    I end up this way and then I make stupid impulsive decisions based on how I feel right now and it screws me later always. I even know I do it but I just can't stop when I feel like that I can't see.

    The odd little thing will ruin my day, make me suicidal even if it is some retarded minor failure that makes me see how much I fail overall.

    As rare as it is I am actually managing to cry right now, because of those stupid little things and all I can think about is cutting my wrists until the floors are painted.

    I need to just be killed this isn't all worth it.

    I ALWAYS screw EVERYTHING up.
     
  2. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    I get like this sometimes so I wanted to offer moral support, only I don't have an answer on how to cure it.

    Has something happened recently to trigger these mood swings?
     
  3. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Sounds a lot like what i do ... Im overly critical of myself and the breaks I give other I dont give myself...anything that valadates how much of a failure I am makes me wanna give up, I dont know how to live life like this...the fuckin up and down of emotions is killing ... sorry im not helping :(
     
  4. masive

    masive Banned Member

    People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a "feeling". You have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

    Death is a permenat answer to a temperort problem.

    As to you feeling like a failure.. read the words below...

    It is not a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled.
    But it is a calamity not to dream.
    It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal,
    But it is a disaster to no ideal to capture.
    It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars.
    But it is a disgrace not to have stars to reach for.
    Not failure, but low aim is a sin.
    Dr Benjamin Elijah Mays
    1894-1984
     
  5. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Those are unfortunately part of depression, the mood swings, the self esteem...

    There doesn't even need to be a reason, the 'crashes' happen.

    This is probably unhelpful advice, but try thinking of your successes. Even the smallest ones.

    Drew a sketch? That's a success.

    Wrote a poem? That's a success.

    Finished a day at work? With depression, it can be hard to just get out of bed in the morning. The fact you try is what's important.
     
  6. masive

    masive Banned Member


    He/She is right
     
  7. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I agree. The smallest things can be successes. Just try to focus on the small successes, necause they can really add up.
     
  8. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    No, you don't screw everything up. The fact that you are thinking about screwing everything up shows that you are not. That's the truth. It's such a paradox. When you want to cut you are frustrated, but I want you to know that this frustration can leave you very quickly once you realize that you are reacting to something that you can forgive. It's truly about forgiveness. I hope you hear me.
     
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Is that not a sad existence when a "success" is getting out of bed in the morning, doing your basic duties, etc?

    Wouldn't noting things like that just make me pathetic when everyone else is out actually accomplishing things.

    I don't understand that? Knowing I screw stuff up just makes me self-aware and probably everything worse because I know what I'm doing and can't change it...
     
  10. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I hardly get out of bed during the day, and I still feel like I accomplished something. Just by being on the forum makes my day.
     
  11. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Should I really want to live a life where my best "accomplishment" is doing what everyone else does every day?

    If your life was as good as it would ever get, and you were still miserable, and knew that it can only go heavily downhill would it not be common sense to put yourself out of your misery.

    I mean, most of us stick around for the fact that shit can improve but what if you know it's as good as it gets.
     
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