One month until Christmas Day. One month.......... Let me start off by saying I hate Christmas. I loathe it utterly and completely. I hate it with everything I've got. I hate practically everything about it. Why do I hate it? I remember my general dislike of the holiday being gone when I was twelve- now just for the record, I stopped believing in Santa at nine. So in three years something changed. The magic of the season was gone. I didn't know what happened to it. The magic... everything I used to like... was missing. It went away. That magic-missing-feeling continued into the next year and straight on through last year. Now kids my own age look at me like I have two heads when I say Christmas is my least favorite holiday and that I hate it. They say, "But all the presents!" EXACTLY! THE GODDAMNED PRESENTS! I hate that kids my own age... even people older and wiser than me... only care about the presents. It's all material. The consumerism of this holiday... the advertising, the commercials... they literally eat at my insides like acid. It burns, it eats away... ugh... It's like our souls are being sold to the commercialized world as we speak. The Christmas season starts before freaking Halloween in the department stores. I hate how Christmas is early. How it is a reason to have big sales- fucking Black Friday starting at fucking four am. What the hell is wrong with everybody? Can't they see? Do they not have a clue? Last year I was made fun of for hating the commercails. I'm called a Scrooge. People laugh in my face when I say I hate Christmas. I hate the lights. I used to like them, but now I hate them. Especially those god-awful six foot blow up light up things. I hate those. I could go on for hours about this... Every year, for me, is a search around Christmas time. Every year at this time, I am forced to look back to last year and see that my life has come full circle. That my life IS an unrelenting circle that I cannot escape. That I want an escape... And Christmas music- the chruch music, at least, is about awating a savior. Which I have been doing for the longest time. So I can really put feeling into the church music BECAUSE I feel it. And for those of you that do not know what the Trans-Siberian Orchestra is, they make the best Christmas music. It makes me cry because I understand it. There's a line in the poem about how angels can see souls that bleed. That they can see the depth of one's pain, see the scars upon our eyes (the worst kind of scars because they distort all we see)... and when the angel comes upon one man, he/she/it reels back because it is shocked by the depth of this one man's suffering... And that is the kind of Christmas music I like. ONe that acknowledges there is suffering. The kind that is searching, yearning, hoping for something. And that's the only part of Christmas I enjoy... but not the carols. For the love of god, the carols grate on my ears. Does anyone else feel this way? care to expand? Comment? Thanks for listening.