The Holidays

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Jan 1, 2010.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I've never been out on christmas eve, I've never been out on news year eve, I've never been out on my birthday.


    No one was on facebook at these times when I went to see :mellow:

    Christmas Day is not completely enjoyable because of my eating disorder and the shame it brings, I dont know what I will do in the future when some of my christmasses or times around then might be meals with people who are not my closest immediate family.

    28 days until my birthday, when I become a 22 year old loser. Failing life academically, socially, failing to be an adult, soon I have to say I am 22 and never been kissed, soon it becomes 4 years of complete and utter failure to be accepted.
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: feel any better??
    that's an aweful lot to get off your chest,
    but i'm glad you did :smile:

    i know what you mean. it seems everyone
    goes out, but i like you stay home, and
    have nothing to do, because all my friends
    are out... but that's okay.

    i feel you on the ED issue.. it's tough,
    especially if you're not with family.
    but you can't really do anything about
    it. it is how it is. you just have to plow
    through it and hope for the best.

    when your birthday comes, i wish you
    a very happy birthday. technically
    failing life is just a put-down term.
    you can't "fail" life.

    it's okay to have never been kissed.
    your first kiss is something special.
    something to be had with someone
    special. it may take time to find that
    right person to share that moment with.

    Academically, well not everyone is good
    at everything. it's okay. just pick yourself
    back up, and try your hardest... if no
    improvement shows, then i guess it just
    wasn't meant to be... or maybe you just
    need a little help along the way.

    Socially, is normal. A lot of people have
    issues being social, and that's okay too.
    try going to group activities or something.
    join a club, or something where you meet
    people with common interests. that ALWAYS
    helps, to have something in common as a
    conversation starter.

    you can't "fail" at being an adult. :hug: you
    just become one, you can't "fail" at it. i think
    that if you could actually "fail" at being an adult,
    we'd have a lot of failures in the world today.
    no one is perfect. we all have our own problems;
    our own trials and tribulations, if you will.

    Failing to be accepted... Who says you NEED to
    be accepted?? Acceptance is not required for life.
    honestly, if people can't accept you for who you
    are, who needs them anyway??

    :hug: i hope this helped... I know you were just
    letting it out, but i know it can be helpful to get
    feedback as well.

    i'm just a PM away at all times
    if you need me, hit me up :hug:

    take care
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply.

    But it is a failure, it is a failure to make it to adulthood successfully.

    Like what Erikson says.

    From about 13 or 14 to about 20) the child, now an adolescent, learns how to answer satisfactorily and happily the question of "Who am I?"

    22 and who the fuck am I?????

    Erikson believes that during successful early adolescence, mature time perspective is developed; the young person acquires self-certainty as opposed to self-consciousness and self-doubt.


    He actually anticipates achievement, and achieves, rather than being "paralyzed" by feelings of inferiority or by an inadequate time perspective.


    In later adolescence, clear sexual identity - manhood or womanhood - is established.

    Never had sex I'm not a man. FAIL

    -if they fail to resolve the crisis, they develop identity diffusion; their sense of self is unstable and threatened; too little identity and they may join cults or hate groups, too much identity and they may show fanaticism

    Sadly I can relate too well

    The successful young adult, for the first time, can experience true intimacy - the sort of intimacy that makes possible good marriage or a genuine and enduring friendship.


    Failure to develop intimacy can lead to promiscuity (getting too close too quick and not sustaining it), or exclusion (rejecting relationships and those who have them)

    Again sadly true

    Granted some developements I have achieved, but the one's I have failed to contribute massively to how I feel, my depression, my academic failure. I think about dieing because I have no identity and no relationship.
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    First off, WHO CARES WHAT ERIKSON SAYS!?!?!?!?!!
    (no offense)

    For the first four, like i said, majority of people would
    then be failures according to those statements.

    Relationships are special. You have to wait, you can't
    just jump into it and have it exist. I myself haven't
    exactly had a relationship. So what? It doesn't matter.

    Identity... You need to figure out what YOU like to
    do best, and persue this. Just be you. Do what you
    like to do.

    I know how you feel. With depression we only see negatives,
    but if you give life a chance, and meet people who care for
    you, they will help you see the positive.

    It gets better. Honestly does. I know it's hard to prove..
    But well.. I'm here if you need someone :unsure:
  5. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    It does matter to me. The 5 people I live with are all younger than me, they have all had a relationship or sexual relations. They all have a history that goes back years, I have no history, no experience.

    All my friends I went to college with 4 years ago have experienced something, someone. I have not. Age does matter, if someone is 22 and never been kissed it strikes alarm bells, why is this person untouched. I am quite clearly ugly and have a 1920s personality.

    TV, Film, the media, so much young love, so much sex. Why have I not got what I have had to watch people have for years??

    I'm fed up of waiting now, being patient, every year that goes by makes the situation worse.

    Some people might be able to say it doesnt matter, it does to me though, that is the problem, I cant just switch off and say it doesnt matter and thus live happy and free. When I go out with my friends they usually end up with someone. A significant proportion of what they talk about is sex and their experiences or the person they are persuing(they are all girls btw).

    At university the topic often comes up, relationships, sexual things.

    I cant just switch off and get away from it.

    I was in a dead end job with no identity and no love.

    So I decided to go to university, to do a course that would feed my ego and give me a sense of being, identity, and being in university means socializing, surely then I would find a girl, surely someone would want me.

    I quit the course after a week and changed to another because I didnt think I could do it, so I took one I had school experience in. This course does not give me identity. I haven't even been kissed in 18 months of being with loads of students. Wow that is bad. Infact whenever I come home my old friend always says "any stories about girls then, come on there must be someone, you're at university now, no excuses". Where is my life going. Infact I have anxiety attacks now because I feel trapped in the life I have therefore I do not think I will get identity or intimacy.

    This is all bothering me, this is why I am an occasional alcholic, gambler, self harmer, social anxiety sufferer and sometimes suicidle thoughts.

    I am lonely and lost.

    I am too broken for try harder and its ok it doesnt matter so dont let it bother you, to work as a cure.

    I have no purpose to be alive other than being someone's son (which is a good enough reason so far)
  6. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    All I can say, is if you need me, I'm here...
    PM me at any time. I'll respond, and be
    here for you... I know how you feel..
    And I can try to help you best I can.

    I feel many things you feel.
    So I can somewhat relate.

  7. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    I just feel drained of any hope now, I had this before I decided to go to university.
  8. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Well I am about your same age and I know that nothing I can say will help, but please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Life just really sucks sometimes, but lets hope it does get better. As old as we feel that we may be, we still are very young to change.