the hopeless and the perfect

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by smellsliketeenspirit, Jul 20, 2011.

  1. smellsliketeenspirit

    smellsliketeenspirit Active Member

    Im a fuckup
    im a loser, a lier, a junky, a depressive miserable apathic fuck..
    but she loves me.. i cant really see why that is..
    I cant go on for another 4 weeks without her.
    ill be a wreck when she comes home, and she will have to fix me up again, as always.

    everytime she goes away, i keep thinking about the "what ifs"
    eventhough i know, she would not ever screw me over like that. and if she did, i know for sure, she would tell me.

    and after all, I am the one who fucked up regarding matters like that. logically speaking, she has the right to that kind of liberty, eventhough i surely would kill myself, should this come to be.

    thankfully she does not know
    she deserves to know, i should tell her.. I mean after all i love her, more then life itself..

    but then again im a fuckup,
    im a loser, a lier, a junky..
  2. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    You love, and are loved in return. You can't be that much of a "fuckup".

    What are the "what ifs" for you?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We all have a shadow in our closet and we see it when we are alone...we all lie, cheat, etc...that is human nature and focus upon it when we feel our most vunerable...both of you sound fortunate to have each other...J
  4. smellsliketeenspirit

    smellsliketeenspirit Active Member

    what if she gets drunk and flirt with other guys. i mean, i know this is pathetic, because i just have to trust her, and the logical part of me can tell that she wont do such things.. but the emotional side of me is so scared to get hurt. i really want to kill this anxiety, because i dont want it to ruin everything. if it was not for her, i honestly would not be here. i just cant get myself to accept those uncertain things.. i guess its because shes the only one i ever loved, or ever cared about.
  5. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    I can relate to a lot of what you say. As far as I can tell, unfortunately, you have to wait for the feeling of anxiety to fade with time.