the hopelessness of it all...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Trylner, Aug 10, 2006.

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  1. Trylner

    Trylner New Member

    I cannot say why i am writing this sometimes it helps othertimes it doesn't. But frankly i know that if i do nothing that the thoughts might become overwhelming. Normally i have a good control on them ive survived 12 years somehow. I would love to be free of this curse but it drains and life from me. I've grown to a point where life is a choir and the only reason im here is to help others not even myself. I can't find any reasons to help myself. But still part of me deep down wants to try and live for myself but the feelings the hopelessness. I cannot look past it it clouds my vision and i hate it. The darkness the hopelessness it destroys me who i am and has been ever since it started. I try to get by i find methods to deal with it to push it from my mind to get away but sometimes regardless what i do i cannot get away with it. Right now im so overwhelmed its hard to function working is becoming such a chore that i don't know how i will be able to do it anymore. School is coming up and im scared that this state of mind will ruin another semester for me. The problem i have is that i do not nor am i sure that the path i am taking is the one that i am meant to take. I truly just want to be happy that is all i want in life but i do not know how to get there i do not know what would help. Right now i just want to get up and leave just leave and try and find some path that i need. god i could just go for some peace...just a little bit of peace something where i wouldn't have to worry or think just nothinngness. I know death is not the answer but it seems like the easiest solution. I know many ways i could try...i resist for my family i do not want to burden them but its hard continuing on so hard...sigh. Hope for bette days is what i look for but peering down the road i see nothing but blackness and wonder whether ir would really be worth continuing on...perhaps i shall decide such fate soon or maybe ill be able to strive on despite the hopelessness of the situation...
  2. mango_goose

    mango_goose Active Member

    hi and welcome.
    Do you see a counsellor??? sometimes they can help..
    If you need some one to talk to you can pm me.
    i am the quee of not knowing where my life is going nd i have "run away from my life " heaps of time lol
    SOmetimes leaving and going on aholidy helps, even if its just staying with friends in another town/state, takes your mind off eerything "normal"
  3. curtius

    curtius Well-Known Member

    Tell me of hopelessness and fate -
    Give me your perspective -
    I beg you please articulate
    For loss left me infected...
    Peering over the neighbors fence
    The grass is always greener
    Fearing the cost, a friends expense -
    Your sneering fate gets meaner...

  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree that death is not the answer, but neither is it the easiest solution - for you or for those left behind. I fight these feelings too often and understand your frustration. I see a psychiatrist (and his counselor associate) and it helps me a great deal, as does the antidepressant he put me on. Talking to friends can also be a help and a relief, just to know that you are NOT alone, tho you may feel terribly alone. Going on holiday/vacation can also help temporarily, but unless you have a good support network in place it can seem that your problems are just waiting for you at home. (I recently had a lovely vacation... till I came home:sad: )

    I would urge you to investigate the possibliity of counseling and/or medication. It won't solve your problems but can help stabilize your mood(s) thus making it a bit easier to deal with the issues that are bothering you.

    Please do come back here and release your feelings in this safe environment. We are here to listen and offer love and support and suggestions. We aren't professionals, but we are all having problems with out lives and can understand and support each other. It's certainly been a lifesaver for me!:smile:

    Welcome to the forum!

    sending love and hugs and hope,


    PS; Curtius... BEAUTIFUL, as always!!! I like it very much. You are truly gifted!
  5. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    I can relate to your frustration. Sometimes I feel like a train that life has thrown the wrong switch and I ended up going left when I should have went right. I guess it's about regrets. But do not be too hard on yourself. This illness is all the things you said; hopelessness, I can't find any reasons to help myself, I try to get by i find methods to deal with it to push it from my mind, i do not nor am i sure that the path i am taking is the one that i am meant to take.

    This poem by Robert Frost haunts me:
    The Road Not Taken

    TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.


    There are moments in life, choices we make that change us. But I also know that happiness is not a destination. And the journey is more important than the path. And even though time cannot turn back we can CHANGE our heading. I can still turn to the right and head off in that direction.

    Keep in mind suicide is not a solution, it is an end before a solution can be found. It can't be considered an option because an option means we have a choice and death robs us of both option and choice. Death is an irreversible act that does not end the pain, because it remains in those who are left behind.

    Keep your options open and its never too late to head into a different direction.
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