This weekend was supposed to be my last. I had everything in place. Nobody around for days to foil my attempt, enough pills to bring about my demise which resembled a sweet jar full of multi-coulored treats. I wasnt messing about. From gathering info on the net and reading posts from various boards i understood that taking pills was not the best way to execute a succesful suicide due to people not actually knowing the lethal dose amount. Lets just say i had enough mg of various substances to take down superman pumped up on red cryptonite. I cleaned my flat to perfection wrote my final suicide letter to my mum and dad and ex girlfriend explaining why i commited suicide and left the money i owe her aswel. Ive been depressed since the age of about 14 im now 23 and share a lot of the problems that many people have expressed here on this board like loneliness, pain from losing loved ones, depression, anxiety, mental torment ect ect. I also despise this world we live in and the people that govern it and also feel that no body cares. I have been suicidle for around 3 years and thought i had gone past breaking point and i may have done but stupid as it seems and i hope this doesnt demean the extent of what people are going through on here and how easily i think it can be solved but i just watched rocky balboa and changed my mind. I only bought it today for the fact that i thought well it would be rude not to watch the last one b4 i go and im glad i did. Im not saying watch this film and your problems will be over its just the message in the film that changed my views on the things that are wrong with me and at this moment to me its the best fucking film ever made because im alive and i want to stay that way. it says something along the lines on how life isnt all great and easy and that its hard and theres a lot of shit in it but what ever comes your way you just have to keep moving forward and if something else gets in your way you just have to keep moving forward and thats all you can do. All my dreams seemed to have faded away, which was one of my problems amongst many but i thought fuck it im not dying just yet till ive given my all my 110 percent my heart and fucking soul into the life i have been given. Yes you may be down feeling there is no where to go but when your that far down and believe me i have been and have been up until an hour or so ago theres only one fucking way and thats up. I just figured i couldnt get any lower and im still here still breathing and theres no way im going out without a fight. Someone once said it is better to die standing up than it is to live on your knees so stand the fuck up take account for who you are what you are and what cards you have been dealt in life. Things may be hard which may be an understatement but fuck it youre gonna die somewhere down the line and isnt it worth living just for the slight possibility that the good times may come even if they seem they never will. Try being creative like writng how you feel in poems or songs or do something that diverges what you are feeling inside to the outside world. so what if people think you are strange stand the fuck up and show everone who you are even if they dont understand. There must be somethings you like doing so put all your energy into that and if there isnt anything you like doing go out and find something. nobody can say theyve tried everything so how do u know nothing will make you happy. when the time comes when youve tried everything this world has to offer and you still dont like anything then fair enough death maybe the answer but you will never try everything there is out there so stay alive and just try cuz thats all you can do. i know there will come a time when i will want it all to end again but ill just say fuk it yes i have problems but thats just me and thats just you. I quote from the film full metal jacket ' i am in a world of shit but i am alive'. Also let me remind you that as we are here now the universe is constantly expanding and folding in on itself and the lives we live will be replayed over and over again for all eternity, however along a continuous time line the forces of the universe are chaotic meaning nothing will always be exactly the same but they will also be the same at some point along this time line. the good times and the bad its easy yes or no.