the irony

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nickyc, Oct 2, 2011.

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  1. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    Im not sure exactly where to share this, so I feel here is appropriate. The irony of the situation I am in is overwhelming.I have given up on everything in life except for her.but three months ago, she gave up on me.and it destroyed me.I have tried to end the pain many times since then.for some strange reason after I broke down again today, I am at peace.and that scares me.im kind of reserved, especially on this topic.so that will be all for now.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you any breakup is painful hun but you can and will get through it okay Please reach out for some help. Talk to someone talk to your doctor go to hospital if you think you will harm yourself but keep reaching out okay hugs to you
     
  3. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    It wasn't her leaving that hurt.there was no closure.she said she was coning back and ended up playing me.she ran me into the ground for a laugh.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, nickyc. I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

    The sense of closure you want might have to come from your perspective on how she treated you. Try asking yourself, "What sort of person, no matter how much I cared about her, could do that to me?" I suspect that the answer is someone who didn't have the guts or decency to face you. A cruel person. NOT the kind of person you deserve to have in your life.

    It will take time to adjust your way of seeing and thinking about her...it's not usually an overnight thing...but I'm sure that if you take some time to mourn the loss of this relationship, you will come to see that you deserve much better. :hug:
     
  5. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    this may be the wrong way to consider this type of this but here goes...

    I can understand your feelings, something like this happened to me. If she really ran you "into the ground for a laugh," then you can't kill yourself. If you do, she wins. You can't let her know that she's the reason you died.

    That was one of the things I used to keep alive: I despised my older brother and every time I was thinking of killing myself, I think, "SHIT! No. I can't die yet. I have to out-live him." I knew that if I died first, he won.

    The ironic thing, I'm okay with him now. So by making THAT aspect of my life better, I've taken away something to keep me alive. Haha. At this rate, I'll die a very happy suicidal man
     
  6. nickyc

    nickyc Member

    I know she wasn't the best to me, but I was no angel either.I made mistakes, same as her.but I never got a chance to fix anything.I know I deserve to be treated better, but I truly love her.she is a good person at heart and still holds mine.for that, I hate myself.it would be way too much to type out all that has happened since she left,but idlook past it all for a second chance.I dunno why
     
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