The Lady Chained To The Bottom Of The Sea

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by TheRunaway, Oct 30, 2012.

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  1. TheRunaway

    TheRunaway Active Member

    Her hums can be heard from the depths of the sea
    Petrifying any who listen to thee
    The quiet tune, the soft melody
    Floating up to be set free

    Along comes a ship with a man at work
    Hearing something beautiful, up his ears perk
    His eyes roll back as his body jerks
    Then falls in the sea with a bewildered smirk

    Down, he falls into her dark abyss
    He opens his eyes as she gives him a kiss
    "Unchain Me!", she looked at him as she hissed
    Hesitant, he stared, as she offered this:

    "You help me, and off you go
    I'll release you back to the world you know.
    If not, you'll rightfully reap what you sow
    and live for eternity down here in woe."

    Desperate to leave, he grabbed the chains
    But as soon as he touched them he writhed in pain
    "Only the purest of souls can break it without strain."
    She whispered to him, "Now you must be slain"

    He called out to those above the seaweed
    But no one could hear, as he shrieked and he plead
    As another falls victim to the lady of the sea​

    If it isn't clear, she's supposed to be similar to the Sirens, found in Greek Mythology, with her singing. Thanks for anyone that reads it. I'm usually hesitant about others viewing my work.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    This is really great...thanks for sharing :)
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You know, I actually like it - not only is it unique, but the mystery about it is what really drew me in, like how did he get there, what did he do to be bound and chained and what sins (presumably he had done something very bad to have that kind of vengeance taken against him - at least in my eyes and seemingly as proof of the chains causing him great pain when he tried to break free).

    I know it is only a poem, but have you ever thought about writing a short story about how he came to be at the ocean and how he had been captures by whatever it was that help in? It definitely would be for a compelling thriller novel.

    Good work, if ever you decide to expand on it, I hope that you will let me the honour of reading it!

    dango dango^^
  4. TheRunaway

    TheRunaway Active Member

    Well, he's not chained, she is (the woman that sings down there). Her voice just petrifies people/draws them in, I guess you could say, but she was trying to get him to unchain her by breaking them. Sorry, my brain is very jumbled and it projects through my writing. xD Thank you both for reading it, and for such sweet replies.
  5. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I think it's very good. I liked it. Thanks for sharing it.
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Epic! and quite wonderful
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I loved reading it takes one on a journey of thoughts hugs
  8. TheRunaway

    TheRunaway Active Member

    Thanks so much for such lovely comments. They were so great to read, and thanks for taking your time to read it and comment. :clap:
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