the last 21 of my 24 years

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thacrow, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. thacrow

    thacrow New Member

    I registered on these forums and I could not post and it did not explain why I could not post.

    Luckily I'm young (and know what to do) and checked my email without prompt to activate this my user name.

    Yeah I'm not going to kill myself or I wouldn't be on these forums. I'm a male and I own xxxx. If I truly wanted to be dead I would be prattling along.

    However,

    I'm 24 and since as long as I can remember, about 3 years of age, I've been depressed. Things just seemed different. Depressing in what ever way and life has just been more than happy to oblige congruency.

    My question:

    I have felt as though depression is like life as a desert. To the regular person, imagine walking through a salt flat for years. It gets boring. There's nothing there and appear that there will never be anything there because it's a giant fucking salt flat desert with nothing there.

    While that may be bad, that's not my description of depression, thats just norm.

    I would say that good things are gravity and without gravity you're stuck in this desert with nothing to hold you down.

    And depression is bad things. Bad things you desparately need to get way from, you want to jump away from. And with no gravity you just jump keep floating away and way and way until you see these people and this society that you've nothing in common with and no gravity holding you to.

    To the point where the worst thing you can do is just stop the grind, the daily bullshit, the, "fantastic, how are you?" when people ask how you're doing. Because what the fuck are you going to say when someone asks how are you? Are you going to say that you've been wanting to kill yourself for the last decade or so? No. That would be strange.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2011
  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. Hope you keep posting as most people find it really useful.

    Do you know why you feel like you do? Have you seen anyone about it?

    xxxx
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi glad you are here hugs
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...apathy is a huge part of depression...makes eveything seems flat and lifeless...maybe this may be a part of what you are experiencing...welcome again and I hope you find the support you are seeking...J
     
  5. bono

    bono Well-Known Member

    FYI your current mood alters your preception of your memories. If your depressed all your memories seem that more negative. If your happy even the bad times seemed less severe. 21 years is a long time, all that time couldn't have been bad.
     
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