The Last 72 Hours...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mentalhealthnurse, Jul 15, 2016.

  1. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    The last 72 hours have been horrendous. I almost quit my job, gave up my children, left my husband and <mod edit- methods>. I consider myself a normal hard working mother of three children, but every month my life falls apart and its getting worse and worse as time goes on. I am a mental health nurse and ironically I would say I am good at what I do, however I just cannot seem to fix my own life or problems. I phoned my boss to say that I had childcare issues and couldn't come to work she asked if I was okay and I had a melt down. I haven't had a crap upbringing or many traumatic experiences, its my body and my period that try to kill me every month and I want to die so badly to escape from it. The anger, rage, depression, mood swings, agitation, confusion and general shittiness in the quality of life makes me feel useless and worthless as a person. I push everyone away because I feel like no one cares. In the last 72 hours, I have been the worst mother to my children and contemplating giving the eldest away as I couldn't cope with her teenage tantrums and aggression which is probably as a result of her mother being me. I cried down the phone to my boss that my life is a mess and I cant work, I then discovered my husband has been using dating sites as a single man...he always seemed so supportive now I feel more alone that ever. I took the dog for a walk and cried under a tree . I don't think I want to die but the release it would bring is tempting. The time of the month has freed me from the torment just now but I rarely have more that ten days of relief and it starts again. I wonder if my life is falling apart because I am destined to die soon and this is natures way of preparing those that I am pushing away. When life is dark, suicide can seem like the only light in the world, I wish I was that brave.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2016
  2. HelpWanted

    HelpWanted New Member

    First off, I want to say, thank you. Having been in a mental institution myself that job cannot be easy. But I knew you were there to help me and you did. Thank you for your hard work in a job that is not always easy.

    Now advise, If you haven't considered counseling or medication do it. If these breakdowns are sudden and you keep them bottled up until they explode yu need to find a outlet before something bad really happens. I'm kind of in the same boat and things are better with counseling and meds.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there @mentalhealthnurse I am sorry you are going through all of this. Well done for being a psych nurse, I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that line of work must be. I hope you get yourself help and I am glad you joined here, to talk to like minded people. Live for your family, kids, job, pleasures, dying is not a solution. Have you tried any helplines or using tips and advice you give to others in similar situations? I really hope that you feel better soon hun :)
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I commend you on the job you are doing. There is plenty of pressure from doing the job as well as coping day to day life pressures. It's ok to feel down and thinking life is crap.

    There is always a solution to any issues but they dealt with one at a time. You need to take a break away, I suggest can you go to family or relative whilst you unpuzzle your current feelings and thoughts. Explain to the family that you need a one or two day break. You kids are important and you are a truly caring and devoted mother. I feel that from your passage and the pain your feel.

    Everyone in life does and have the right to breakdown. Humans are not like super heroes even others think we are. You have a wonderful career path and a caring family which deep down we know you care about.

    The teenage daughter, the tension is no doubt due her growing pains of wanting to be independent. Kids are like that at that age and think are have every right to do things. All you are trying to do is to protect and advise her in her decision process which is natural for any parent. She will learn from her own mistakes and come running to mum as ever.

    I cannot come t on the husband situation as that is personal but might be worth going to see a marriage counsellor and talk together. You husband might not want to discuss private matters with a stranger who is trained in such matters. I hope this helps.

    Also please seek medical advice on your feelings as you will know yourself how the medication works and how long it will take to kick in.

    At the end of say, we are all humans and allowed to get down once and a while.

    Take care and continue to posting as you know we do care about YOU
  5. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    I have been cared for by nurses like you, and you make an important difference in our lives. What you do is important work. Caring for your family is important.
  6. Charlotte918

    Charlotte918 Member

    Your story strikes a chord with me. I used to be the executive of an assisted living company. We held a crisis bed for the county that was the only alternative to institutionalization for individuals in crisis. One of my wake-up calls that I needed to make some changes in my life came when I found myself discussing with the county nurse what my plan would be because they couldn't place me in my own crisis bed. Your cup is empty. Do not think of filling it for your kids, your marriage, or your job. That will only drain and exhaust you. Fill your cup for you. You are in care work because you care, and yet you feel as if there is no one left to care for you when you need it the most. At least that's what I told myself about my feelings. That is the truth I chose to see. I had become a burden to those around me whom I most wanted to help. There was another truth though. That truth was that love is boundless and your cup can be full when you reach out and say "I would like my cup to be full again". You have found a place where there is love and care in abundance to fill your cup. You were brave to reach out, to put yourself out there without knowing what would come back to you. You risked emptying your cup even more because you knew that the situation had moved beyond urgent. Life almost never meets expectations, but it will bring you the things you truly need. The journey to finding new ways to fill your cup is long, but I'm pretty sure that no one promised it would be short and simple. You are strong and you deserve the abundance that comes into your life.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sounds like you need a trip to the gyno and get that under control. You are entiled to break down no matter who/what you are. Periods can be a huge factor in ones life
  8. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my post. When I look at it now I see my desperation bursting out. I have tried medication which did work, however, I struggled with the numb feeling and couldn't focus at work. I have tried counselling and I believe that for me that is the way forward. I need the space to speak and make sense of the thoughts in my head that frequently become too much to understand or too noisy to hear. I have been waiting a long time to see a gynaecologist and I finally have an appointment at the end of the month. I am praying that this is the answer to the bigger picture but I also feel that a whole lot of damage has been done mentally in the meantime. I feel a fragile shadow of the strong minded feisty person I used to be. I have never stopped to accept that I might be burning out and as the power and control slip through my fingers I'm being left a broken women who cannot identify her place in this world or in my life. What can I be if I can't be me? But then maybe I need to accept that I am a new me with different experiences and a different path to follow.

    A major shift is something that happens to us periodically and I know that for some it takes time to recover, accept and move forward. I just don't know my path yet. I thought I had got to where I wanted to be, but in my heart and soul lies a simpler answer that I am far to far away from. I feel I belong here with you all and its the first place in so long that I have felt I held any meaning to. It was this site that stopped me from walking out the door and into uncertainty. I tried speaking to those around me and explain how desperate I was. I had doors closed in my face and with others I felt they could not hear what I was actually saying. Being desperate and unwell is lonely even in the busiest of lifes. Thank you for your words and for taking the time to read what I have written. I am not there yet but I know now there is always hope.