The last 72 hours have been horrendous. I almost quit my job, gave up my children, left my husband and <mod edit- methods>. I consider myself a normal hard working mother of three children, but every month my life falls apart and its getting worse and worse as time goes on. I am a mental health nurse and ironically I would say I am good at what I do, however I just cannot seem to fix my own life or problems. I phoned my boss to say that I had childcare issues and couldn't come to work she asked if I was okay and I had a melt down. I haven't had a crap upbringing or many traumatic experiences, its my body and my period that try to kill me every month and I want to die so badly to escape from it. The anger, rage, depression, mood swings, agitation, confusion and general shittiness in the quality of life makes me feel useless and worthless as a person. I push everyone away because I feel like no one cares. In the last 72 hours, I have been the worst mother to my children and contemplating giving the eldest away as I couldn't cope with her teenage tantrums and aggression which is probably as a result of her mother being me. I cried down the phone to my boss that my life is a mess and I cant work, I then discovered my husband has been using dating sites as a single man...he always seemed so supportive now I feel more alone that ever. I took the dog for a walk and cried under a tree . I don't think I want to die but the release it would bring is tempting. The time of the month has freed me from the torment just now but I rarely have more that ten days of relief and it starts again. I wonder if my life is falling apart because I am destined to die soon and this is natures way of preparing those that I am pushing away. When life is dark, suicide can seem like the only light in the world, I wish I was that brave.