The Last Friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MisterBGone, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Ok.

    So, I've basically been spending time with one woman who lives in my town for the past couple of years. We get along marvelously, for the most part, but recently something has reared it's ugly head and fractured our once strong bond. We met in the hospital, so I guess I could/would/should have seen this coming, she's bipolar (unmedicated) & I've got major depressive disorder (also unmedicated). If that's not the recipe for disaster to strike... In any case, she is married and has three daughters of her own. She has been unfaithful to her husband once before, a few years ago, which is why she wound up in the hospital. Now, she has ALWAYS been hyper sexual in her speech, and while I typically just let it go, and not tell her to stop (I also in no way acknowledge her comments nor do I further encourage them) speaking in this way, lately she's begun to turn the attention and subject of the conversation on me! This, needless to say, I cannot take! I willnot handle this role she's looking for someone--anyone--to play, so that history can repeat itself. She's been getting worse, sending all sorts of inappropriate texts & truly making me feel as uncomfortable as I have ever been... I told her flat out: I want no-thing more from her than her friend ship; & that if this wouldn't do, we couldn't be friends again. I thought every thing was cool, but it's become very clear to me that this is not the case. She's been bombarding me with "hate-texts" pretty steadily ever since I got out of the hospital a week ago. And finally, last night, for no apparent reason, she swore to destroy the relationship for ever. I don't know if she's more upset with me because I won't sleep with her, or because I don't want to do it in the first place. I suppose there's something of a rejection there at play, but how does this make me the bad guy! Regardless, it's to be expected given the delicate nature of all the relationships I've established with close friends over the years. I keep wondering what I did to make her feel this way? The only thing I gave her was this: my time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2012
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi. What a sticky situation! I'm sorry it's gone all weird for you. Undoubtedly you're right that she is feeling a bit of rejection, but you are not the bad guy in this. Perhaps you could tell her that you feel flattered she's be interested, but that you respect her and the meaning of marriage too much to cross that line with her? If she wants to be friends and friends only, things will settle down and she'll come around. If she is intent on "history" repeating itself, she may be too emotionally invested in finding "someone - anyone - to play" to see that losing your friendship is a huge loss.

    I hope it works itself out. Friendships and romances that go wrong can be so stressful. Please be good to yourself and remember that you are right to stand by your own morals in this decision.
     
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot! That was really good! Very well said! I'm just frustrated by the situation, not even angry at her or myself. My initial thought when this problem became evident was that that was it. We're no longer friends! But then I thought, well, if I can just reverse her thinking on this one particular thing (though who knows besides she how long it's been brewing) then maybe everything could be okay... But I believe now that this is not possible, because what has been done cannot be undone. Unkind words were spoken back and forth, and now I fear that there is no way to go back to normal, when we were carefree and at peace with our universe together. It's unfortunate, because she is my only friend that I hang out with and see on a regular basis. I don't do facebook, and none of my old friends have my current email address or phone number. I'm something of a recluse, and now that's about to become 100% exclusive.