The Last Show

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fromthatshow, Apr 18, 2009.

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  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    So my band is playing a very special show. Not sure when and where yet. There is a song I wrote in January of '08 called "Where Are You." It is the most perfect and beautiful thing in my life. It is very personal; written for an ex-girlfriend who I am still and can't imagine ever not being in love with. It is half an hour long, and we are playing it in it's entirety. She will be there. The song includes voicemails from her and is interspersed with quotes from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, all of which will be played during the show. It will be the last perfect moment I can get in this life.
    The perfect ending to this perfect moment would be my suicide. The last show. How beautiful. I can smash all my equipment, then destroy myself as well. Of course not right after the show... I'll drive off to my favorite spot in the town I used to live in... gather all my supplies, and then off to a better place.
     
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Oh man I don't know what to say...except don't do it :sad: I don't understand the obsession with perfection..to be frank no suicide will ever be 'perfect' or beautiful or anything like that...no matter how much you wish it will be. And life is obviously not perfect either but I think that makes it even more beautiful. Beauty is ugliness and darkness as well as all the good stuff. Sorry for this awful reply, I just didn't want you to feel ignored when you've helped me and so many others on here so much. You're a giving, kind and strong person with so much to give. Are you still seeing a therapist, have you talked about this with her?
     
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Why would you say awful reply, I am glad that someone cares.
    I haven't told her about the show. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I hate it there. My friend has attempted suicide twice in the past few months, but she never tells anyone because we were in the psych ward together and she hated it too. Last time I was in there for a month!
     
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Sorry Spencer, don't really know how to reply to that.

    Just wanted to send you lots of :arms:
     
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