I feel like I have nothing left. Nothing to look forward too, no future, no friends, and a family that doesn't understand. I believe I suffer from Social Anxiety Dis. and have yet to come forward and tell my parents about it in fear of their reaction. I can't go out and get a job, I just have an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness inside and would just be wasting everyone's time. If I were gone, it would make no difference to anyone, not a tear would be shed. My parents joke about my life as if it doesn't affect me. The only thing I have are magazines, TV, and my computer and they know I have no social life and just fucking joke about me being on the computer too much in private and IN PUBLIC. How the fuck does that make me feel? Worthless. I can't live in my own house without feeling uncomfortable. I have nothing to do all day and feel awkward because of it, sometimes I find myself pacing in my room hoping they won't come in to bother me, FUCK. When anyone talks to me I feel uncomfortable because I have no plans for the future and they just smirk because of it. Let me recap, no job, I'm in college but am still undeclared and have no friends there, no friends anywhere, no future, nobody to talk to, nobody that cares. The only one keeping me up is my brother. My sister has even ridiculed me for having no social life, but I just couldn't end my life because of my brother. I'm there, at my end but just can't do it, I feel it would be too hard on him to understand. I just don't know how to undo what I've become. I feel there's no hope for me and no place for me in society, anywhere. No friends, no dates, no drinking, no average life. Going on 20 my teen years have been wasted away doing NOTHING. It's been expected that you do something with you're life or you are worthless to society and life. Life is not worth living without one, so why shouldn't I end mine? I don't know where it went wrong, at one point I had friends, plenty of friends. I moved away as I was entering middle school and felt alone. The move felt traumatic, I lost everyone I knew, too far to be seen again. I become more shy then before feeling out of place. I made a couple of friends, but mainly acquaintances. Never invited to any parties and the anxiety just continued to grow. I failed to stay in contact and am now left alone.