The last straw.. Dout anyone will post on this thread either..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kiba, Nov 30, 2010.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    So.. Ive been dealing with this damn feeling that wont go away.. Ive tried to post on these forums plenty of times (almost ever F-ING Day!) and seems not many people really seem to care!

    Well, I'm to the last straw! I cant find my damn mp3 player, I cant fix this stupid printer, I'm sick of the failure! Just Sick of LIFE!! NOTHING HELPS!

    My PTSD is F-ING me up! I CANT even do ANYTHING! I CANT go to the F-ING ER, I CANT call a crisis line, I CANT talk to my parents about it, EVERYTHING I do is F-ING me over!

    My therapist is coming tomorrow morning, but I just cant take this CRAP ANYMORE! Told her on the phone today about it some, but there is NOTHING ANYONE can DO!!

    I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

    WHAT IS THE POINT!?

    JUST LET ME DIE! :blub:
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Please try and hold on for your therapist tomorrow. The fact you're posting on a public forum about your feelings tells me that at least part of you wants to live - please hold on to that thought.

    I appreciated greatly your reply to my thread, I hope you can find some solace in mine...
    Chris
     
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the post.. :blub: I just.. its useless...
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Swift, I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you now! I think that there are people who care here. I looked at your previous posts, and it seems like the only ones that people didn't respond to were in the creative/ poetry category. There are lots of spots on this forum that I would like to take a look at, but usually there are so many people on the suicide or crisis forums that I don't have much time left over.

    I'm so sorry that you are suffering so much. All I can do is send you all of the love that I can and hope that things will get better for you.

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug:

    :console: :console:

    do you want to talk about the PTSD?
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please try to hold on, keep talking here. People do care!
     
  6. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    it might seem useless, but just keep holding on. i know that it can be really hard, and that you might not even want to, but you have to keep going.

    i really hope you start to feel at least a little bit better soon.
     
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I wish I could give you real hugs right now!

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, and a suicide hotline might be good right now.
     
  9. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I wish things weren't so bad.. The only reason I haven't tried to commit suicide yet is because I fear I will fail in doing so.. again..

    And I just cant go to the ER.. :blub: just cant... I'm tired of this PTSD.. I'm literally about to cry buckets.. The crisis lines refer me to a specific line and they NEVER listen... I just feel there is no other way.. but even attempting that way seems useless and would only make it worse..

    I don't want to go back to treatment hell... :blub:
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why are things so bad right now? Is it mainly the PTSD?
     
  11. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm not totally sure... I just.. I feel like I'm going insane :blub: I hardly sleep.. hardly eat.. I cant remember what happened today from yesterday.. I hear things and can barely tell if they are real or not.. My PTSD is being triggered by everything.. Just loosing my mp3 player made me go crazy! My OCD didn't help with that either.. Barely managed to keep from having a panic attack.. :blub:

    And the ER will simply make my PTSD worse then it is.. Even doctors offices make it bad.. :blub: It makes me homicidal and anxious, besides the suicidal things..

    Everything Ive tried has done nothing.. or made the problem worse... I just feel like even trying to talk about it is useless now..

    In the chat room I just feel so empty.. and like my mind is so full I have nothing to say.. And normally Im chatting like crazy :blub:

    Edit:
    I cant call the crisis lines, because they wont listen.. they will simply send me to the ER :blub: and right now I cant handle that... ='''''''(
     
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Does talking help at all? Even as maybe a didstraction, a way of trying to take your mind off everything?

    I do understand you can't go to the ER, I hope you keep posting here though. Maybe getting the stuff out that's going through your head might help?
     
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    *edit* just saw above you don't want helplines. please ignore*


    if you go to www.befrienders.org they should list a bunch of different hotlines.

    I think that the quality of the help you will get will vary widely on the helplines.

    Is it that you had a bad experience with a particular hotline, or do you think that the hotlines are just bad in general?

    if you don't like hotlines, you can just keep talking to us here!
     
  14. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I want to.. but I feel like.. I try to and its pointless.. I can talk about my past.. whats bothering me.. but no one can really understand.. And I feel like I'm trapped in this big swirling mess.. that doesn't seem to have time.. Like I'm living in a world were time doesn't exist..

    Its just like I used to be.. when I was a child.. Stuck in my head.. with my mind swirling so much I couldn't speak.. :blub:

    I just feel trapped within my own head.. Alone..

    Edit:
    To be more clear about crisis lines, all the lines know to refer me to my therapists office crisis line.. And Ive talked to them on several occasions and all they can tell me is "We cant discuss your issues over the phone, you need to talk to you therapist about it" :blub:
     
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's not pointless, there may be people here who could understand your past and what you've been through. Even if someone doesn't understand completely, talking might still be a way for you to feel less alone.
     
  16. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Who would I talk to..? Who would know..? Every time I've posted in the forums recently.. like.. 1 or 2 people reply.. and that is it.. :blub: I just feel like the forums haven't been that helpful with it.. but.. Its like.. I don't have anything else.. :blub:
     
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I get what you're saying. But even if only a few people reply, it's still 1 or 2 people that care and are listening.
     
  18. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I know.. I just.. Its not helping.. And Im having a hard time even thinking right now.. my mind is totally engulfed into nothingness.. I dont know were to start or even know what all is going on in my head.. I just am tired of it.. and today is the last straw..

    Im only getting worse..

    Its so hard to think now.. Im just going insane.. :blub:
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it's not easy, but you're not going insane. What you're saying makes sense. Please try to hold on!
     
  20. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    :blub: It feels like it will never end.. My entire childhood is my PTSD.. Every little thing triggers it.. I just dont know how much more I can take..
     
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