The last straw

Hello Bruces, I am really sorry you're struggling with what is going on, maybe you need to move forward, accept what happened in the past and start fresh now that you have some sort of closure, a new door has opened. I know you have been suicidal for a while now, you have come this far, do not give up now. Keep opening up, it's an outlet you may need to keep to cope. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Would you be willing to go to counselling to get over her? Alcohol and tobacco is not the answer to anything in life. Counselling and having a good therapist could really open new doors for you and you could be on the road to recovery faster than you planned.

 

...But it is a fake reliever, you need to find some healthy ways to cope why you are drinking (which you know) but you need a professional to guide you through this and to get to the bottom of it. To cope without the need for alcohol. You can do this, think positive

 

I have to say I agree with the above- it has been over for some years and perhaps this will allow you to realize that too and actually move on past and stop holding onto something from the past that is making your current day to day life feel so miserable.Closure and a new beginning. Just as she has moved on you can as well and have a real relationship again as opposed to just continuing to grieve for days that are years in the past. Living in the past is a sure way to ensure the present is unfulfilled and has no meaning to you. Perhaps may things have gone wrong- but they went wrong a long time ago by your own admission. Instead of alcohol ( a depressant that makes you lower) and intentionally reliving memories that cause pain, choose to look toward tomorrow and find something to do today that would make tomorrow better. Choosing a hangover and the residual alcohol depression as way to start tomorrow is not likely to yield a better result today then it has in the last few months or years. Eventually you have to choose to change something if anything is ever to change and not just relive the same miserable day over and over.

So far a sit goes- you say you have suffered the same for 23 years or 26 years which implies you were just as miserable in the relationship as out of it and with a job/business and without. If you were in fact happier when were working and married then then admitting some days of life were not all misery and pain might allow you to look for ways to get better to better. It cannot be both ways - never happy a day for 26 years and now that lost job and relationship over is cause of pain and misery now. By insisting were never happy makes it easy to say there is no point in trying though. Perhaps trying to remember that some times were in fact not miserable (or else this change would not matter or feel different) will allow you to look at what was different and take steps to getting back to that.

 

It is not even a case of think positive and say will be better when you don't think it will or pretending. It is accepting things as they are and appreciating things you have. Claims of 26 years of misery when had wife that still miss means was sometime during it you were happy to have wife. Same with Job- if you miss it that much that now life is horrible because lacking it then it means was something you liked. Now you have family that you say is only reason you stay alive- for them. Then appreciate and enjoy that family if they mean enough to you to care - it is alright to still appreciate and enjoy some things even if others make you miserable or suicidal. Lack of appreciation of the things you have is what typically makes you lose them so taking time to appreciate the few good things and express appreciation for what they bring to your life is a worthwhile use of time and energy. Life can be made a tiny bit better if we do not only talk about the horrible- and if it was all horrible then we would not miss things that are gone- but people and situations will certainly leave and move on if we never show any appreciation for them or express to them that our life is better because of them.