I posted this in my blog too... but here's the public post for all you's to know that... if you fail... you'll prob fail pretty hard. I have to say... that last attempt makes suicide seem like a really really stupid idea. I cant go into all the details about my attempt obviously, but I will share with u my pains. Well, I went to a city that was remote, got a hotel room for 2 days... that way they wouldnt find me the next day in case I just passed out. Spent the night at a strip club... I know, classy... but I wanted to do something fun and that I wouldnt feel ackward being all alone at. So did that till 2am, then stayed up rest of the time watching tv. At 7am, I was really really thinking about it, came to the conclusion that I had no more to live for, and then began my attempt. Well, that lasted maybe 1 min. Then, began what Im still recovering from. I had huge stomach pains, which basically kept me between the bed and the bathroom. I could barely stand for 10 seconds without needing to lie down. I was very cold, nausiated. But the pain was just unreal. By 11am, I had to force myself dispite my pain to check out (cause that's the time for that hotel), only get charged for 1 day, and go home. Course, when I got into my car, I felt so much in pain that I felt like I was dying. I do not want to die in pain. So, I tried to goto a hospital from what my gps said. I went to the one.... no emergency services. It took 6 painful min to drive there, and they couldnt help me. So then I had to ask where one was, which was 10 min away. Not only that but following one of those types of drivers that like to drive 10km below the speedlimit. Then get to that hospital... have to go all the way up to the top level of the parking garage because there were no other spots. Then, had to walk for like 2 min to the ER section. I had to wait prob close to an hour in pain sitting/laying on the benches with tons of people around me. It's kinda funny afterwards because I prob looked like the worst guy there. There were a couple people that actually commented on how bad I looked. I never actually admitted that it was all an attempt, but did explain what I had done. They put me on a bed finally, where I had to wait prob 15min b4 each doctor/nurse that I saw. I was the whole time basically curled up in a ball trying to keep warm and in agonizing pain. Finally after probably 3 hours from being at the hospital, they finally gave me some pain meds. In this case, they gave me morphine. Even that though could not calm the pain. It was just way too much. They only was I could get it down was by relaxing for several minutes. They eventually in the end gave me an xray, and then discharged me cause there was nothing else they could do for me. I got a prescription for some pain meds, and some food b4 I left tho. Btw... if you think hospital food is gross, your wrong. They had a cooked chicken leg with herbs, rice, carrots, some beef soup, some tea (tho I opted for cold water), and ice cream. The way home was about 3 hours drive normally, tho when you have to stop at every rest stop for 15 min... well, too longer. For yesterday and today, Ive just been curled up in blankets, or in the bathroom. I still couldnt stand for long... maybe 1 or 2 min at a time, therefore I couldnt even go out to get my prescription. I could barely even make something to eat... though luckily I didnt get sick from eating anything. So, since the hospital, I ate the hospital food, some chips and some corn yesterday, and some fibre waffles today. Btw... the fibre enriched waffles have an aftertaste as if you just ate straw, yummy. So today/now, I feel a lot better, but still have a rumbling tummy ache, tho it's not nearly as intense and is dying down. Not only that but I can stand/walk for a couple hours at least so. I think by tomorrow I should be mostly if not completely back to normal. So in the end, note to self and everyone else... it better be an instant death type method if anything because if you overdose or whatever that takes time to die, it will most likely not work out and you will go through pain. Even the instant death ones arent a guarantee, so I sugguest not even doing it because believe me, you do not want to go through what I did. Otherwise, if you still want to, try getting someone to kick you in the nether regions if your a guy or idk where, but whereever it hurts on a girl, prob a couple times a day, or at least so the pain continues, and then see if you still want to die, because that will prob be the pain you'll go through if you fail.