The letter unread

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by touglytobeloved, Aug 16, 2008.

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  1. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    The letter unread

    When I called you on the phone, and you reject the call, I wanted to tell you something, something very important. I wanted to tell you that I love you, I love you so much that I cant describe how mch. I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to leave. Not now, not ever. I don’t love you just like that, just superficiall and shallow, I really love you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you as you can love someone when you think of him every moment, you woke up and you go to sleep thinking of him. I love you as when you love someone and you know him so well, that you know all his positive and negative values, but you can forget the bad ones, and see only good ones. And its not important if you say that you don’t love me, I will always love you.
    Since you’ve told me that you’re leaving in 2 days, all I think is that. Only that. All I think is that im losing everything, because Im losing you. Before I meet you, I didn’t have anything, and since I meet you, you were the reason that I was living. I lived because I knew that I will see you tomorrow, althought I knew that you don’t love me.And now, suddenly you’re leaving, and I wotn see you again, because by the time you’ll be back, I wont be here.
    Every little thing reminds me on you. My computer, female voices or steps on the street, everything. When I heard them, Im expecting you. I know, people say: far from you, far from heart, and its easier to forget and get over. But you can not be far from my heart. Every time when I’ll listen a sad song, or steps or voice far from me, I will remind myself how was when you were there. Ill see your picture, Ill go by your house, ill come in my room…. And you’re not there. And Ill see the empty chair.
    And now, when you know all of this, can you accept the fact that I love you, and because you don’t love me, at least we can still be friends. I want to be your friend to the rest of my life. And I don’t want to lose you as a friend too. Its weird, im afraid of losing you, but actually, I don’t have you. That’s right, you’re not mine, but still, Im afraid.
    I don’t know if I have to apologize or not, but here it is, I’M SORRY FOR LOVING YOU, I’M SORRY, BUT I DO LOVE YOU, BUT I CANT GO AGAINST MY FEELINGS, ITS STRONGER THAN ME. I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE IN YOU. ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN CHOOSE OR SEARCH FOR, LOVE IS SOMETHING THAT COMES WHEN YOU DON’T EXPECT.
    Ive tried to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t. I really don’t know if I was able to tell youeven if you have answered that call. I really don’t know. And everytime when I was sending you a message, if I mentioned you something about that, if I told you that I care about you, you were always cutting me off right on the beginning and changing the subject. Like I was bothering you.
    And me… im always ready to do anything for you. An you were always hurting me so much when you were talking about ‘’someone’’. Those were the most painfull moments. But I was able to cope with that, just because It was you. And I don’t know why I am able to write about my feelings, but I cant tell you in person. Everytime I try, my voice is changing, Im running out ot oxygen and I cant say a word anymore. And all the time while I am writing this, all I think is WHY YOU REJECT THE CALL? And ive had something important to tell you. That’s why you shouldn’t reject phonecalls, never, because you don’t know why someone is calling right you and right now, and you don’t know hom much can hurt one rejected call.
    And If somehow you’ll read this, if you want, ask me to show you something, something that I wrote it much earlier, something that I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t…
     
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    This is something that i wrote a while ago, perhaps some of you will know when. It was written on a paper, but now, I cant hide this letter anymore, someone might find it, so ive wrote it here, and Ill burn the paper.
     
  3. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    And if someone ask himself about the earlier letter, that is mentioned here, Its a very long letter with pure emotions, with my feelings, but Its on my language, so noone here will understand it. maybe one day I will translate it and post it, maybe before I leave, or i might just put the original text here, and maybe someone will be able to translate it or understand it. Its really not important for others, but its very personal and very important to me. Sad, but it is not important for the other person, the one for who the letter is.
     
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    So, probably this is the end of my story. Everything else is mentioned in the previous threads, exept this other letter.
     
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Maybe some of you are asking themselves why am i still here, why and how am i still alive when i dont have anything to live for. But, thats another story, that has began a month ago, and It will end in september.
     
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