The Life You Have

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by colt45, Jun 4, 2009.

  1. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Before I start the question I have to give my definition of this phrase. From the anime Lucky Star the definition of Case of May Sickness was defined as: inability to cope with the life you have vs the life you wanted

    How many of you feel this? Living to life that you did not see yourself in.
    Everyday I feel this. I have head aches, I can not sleep at night, I feel tired and sluggish, flustered, most of I all I have lack of energy to do anything.

    I did not see myself in this kind of a life. I am still in the same dead end part time job that I was in back in high school with no chance of promotion and/or advancement. They keep me only part time so they can pay me health benefits. I HATE MY JOB. (it literally eats at my soul)

    I worked hard to graduate from college and earned my degree. I made the Dean's List for most of semesters. I keep trying to apply to place but they say I have no experience.

    This is more than enough to make me cry. I can not take this. I never though all my hard work would amount to this.
  2. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Yea I don't like the life I'm living, when I was in school I saw myself going somewhere I def didn't see myself doing nothing, absolutly nothing worth while. I def didn't see myself commiting suicide at the age of 21, I didn't see myself with no friends, no love, nobody in my life who can tell me your ok, your doing fine.
  3. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah, what I have vs. what I wanted vs. what I still want now and can't and will never have. Somewhere in my mind I knew I'd end up similar to this, when I was a teenager - but it has nothing to do with what I want/ed. Nothing at all. I don't even know how to get what I want for the future. And after 44 years I'm pretty well too terrified to try any more.
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Oh absolutely, I didn't think as a child I would end up this pathetic. I just turned 22 last month and am way behind my peers in everything. I've wasted my life on the damn computer doing absolutely nothing. For a long while, I haven't even done anything productive on the computer like playing the video games I've bought, I just keep surfing the web looking at nothing useful and playing the same old videogame over and over again, not even playing the two I bought a while back, still in their boxes.

    I've never done things like get a girlfriend, go to social events, do volunteering, go to clubs, hang out with people, just not being a normal people. I am a pathetic recluse stuck in my own prison. And I do not have the motivation to get up and drastically change my life, I feel "content" to be stuck like this. I am 22 but still stuck as as 12 year old wasting my time on the computer doing nothing.

    I continue to waste my life and not do normal things. I lack the motivation to do things like join a club at my university and make some friends, do anything remotely "normal".

    I am pretty confident that I am the biggest loser alive and I have to commit suicide soon. Many people still think I am somewhat normal and I will do normal things like get married and have children, there's no way that could happen but I thought I would have been perfectly normal as a child. Who would want to marry me, be my life-partner? I do not want to have children because I will not be good in raising them because I never did normal things as a teenager up to now. My kids would be ashamed of having a loser father. My dad at least is planning to get me married to a chosen girl already in India, I don't think that should happen. I'm neutral in terms of arranged marriages but I don't want her to suffer being with a loser like me.

    I also feel it is too late to change since I wasted my important young years doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I don't know if its too late to change or not. But I also don't have the motivation to get up and make any changes to my life also. Maybe I will soon, maybe there will be a catalyst to make me get off the computer and get out and live life and improve my shitty circumstances. But for now, I'm still stuck here, doing nothing with my life, instead of leaving footprints in the sand of time, I'm leaving a big fat buttprint, while my peers are forging ahead with their happy, normal lives. Here I am being brooding and pessimistic. I feel some comfort knowing that I am not alone and there are others just like me on this great forum as well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2009
  5. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Again it happenned to me I got declined for promotion and I still stuck doing the same dead end joe joes as before. I am stuck with a manager that does not treat me with any respect as person.

    My life still has no progress,
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I cry for the life I wish I lived.

    I had a couple different things that I imagined.

    1: That someone would like my music and I would get paid to do that.
    2: That I would live sort of as they lived in fight club. No car, squatting, living day to day. But I'm not charismatic enough to talk to people and find the ways of living day to day.
    3: Living in the woods like Henry David Thoreau in Walden. But I don't even know how to take care of myself, I don't know how to grow my own food, and I'm lonely and needy.
    4: Married to the one I love with kids, a nice house and a good job. I guess this is the one I still have a chance for. I'm only 20!

    I suppose I have the chance for all them, and anyone else here has the chance for anything they want. Just takes courage I suppose, and to not let our perceived limitations hold us back.
  7. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I hear where ya coming from. I never thought at age 27 I'd be single, without some kind of college degree... I don't have any kids. My goal at 18 was to be married with 3 kids and a husband by age 25. So much for that goal lol. The only thing I can really say about my the outcome of my life at this age, is that I put myself here. I made choices in life that brought me here.. now.

    I lack motivation to household chores.. I live by myself SO why should I really bother? The only thing I really manage to do "ok" with, when it comes to chores, is the front yard work. I guess I don't want people to realize how bad of a mess I'm in. I haven't cleaned my room in a while.. I went to Vegas about a month ago, and I still haven't but my suitcases away. Hell I lack motivation to do the most basic things that "normal" people do.. such as grocery shopping.

    I'm gonna be 30 in a few years and I have nothing to show for. At least I'm not doing illegal drugs.. that's a good thing right?
  8. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I don't even remember any of my life goals, but I doubt they were to be an unemployed worthless bum.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I never had any goals,ever. I have always wanted to die, achieving that was my only goal... and guess what?! I'm here..and totally screwed :unsure:
  10. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    I still come hear with the dread of each night. I feel more and more like my goals are fading adn i can not even come close to what I want.
  11. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Everyday seems to be a defeat for me as a try to apply for a better job.

    As fill out application after application each day; I know that they do not respond to them. They throw over half of them away and just through mine out. They must think that I am over qualified and/or not experenced in that area.

    It really gets to me. I want to have something full time but this economy makes it though. Blue and white collar jobs are dispearing; making it harder and harder. More than anything that makes it tougher is companies not hiring people to be full time; just part time which makes it hard if not imposable to live on your own.

    Over time as get more obsolete. With me staying my dead-end job what I went to school for becomes more and more worthless to me.

    I never thought my life would be like this.
  12. DreamReaver

    DreamReaver Well-Known Member

    I never expected to be where i am now, I really expected to be dead a very long time because of my depression, but i am still here for some unknown reason.

    Though where i am now is basically all of my own doing, my own fault, my depression is because of me it is entirely my own fault,

    i never try to predict what will happen to me in the future, if i do i know it will not happen, so i try to not think of the future of what i would like to happen.

    All i do is try to adapt to my life as best as possible.
  13. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Never thought I would see myself and as a 26 year old still in the same job I had back in high school and not being full-time and only kept part time. They still see me as a kid even though I am by far an adult.

    I hate my job and have been trying effortless to find a better job but to no avil my efforts are.

    I did not go to college and earn a degree just to be kept in the same dead-end/ rank & file position.
  14. IDKwhatIwant

    IDKwhatIwant Well-Known Member

    make your own business.

    - - - - -

    didnt have any goals. didnt have any real parental encouragement or direction. didnt have a father, wasnt close to family, and mother didnt do anything. i failed school so much. i passed 8th grade with all F grades. i missed a day a week from school and would often be late every date of the week to school. school didnt care. never lived in a house that made more then 21k a year. i hear 18 year olds make that alone with college... ive had guns to kill myself or another, but never went through with it. never wanted to take advantage of another, because i knew how it felt. i knew of others that met girls that were poor, and work their way together. i wanted that. never got it. i meet girls now that go to college and stuff... completely different backgrounds. i try not to hate them, but i do. i dont really know why i continue. i dont really want anything now. sometimes im driven by hate, other times im indifferent, and just continue because its what im suppose to do.
  15. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    I feel all of my hard work though out college was nothing short of a waste of money. I have tried hard for nothing.

    I am still back to where I was a few years ago.
  16. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Yup, I imagined friends but I don't have any, I don't even want any. I thought I could be confident, I have fucking SA. I imagined myself as a cool kid, but I'm a fucking weirdo to anyone, probably why I don't have any friends. I imagined a good life but it fucking sucks, hate myself. I could go on forever.
  17. legat0

    legat0 Active Member

    Same here. I just wanted to finish high school and then kill myself. I couldn't though. Not I had a change of heart, but because I was afraid of the pain preceding death.
  18. FluffySoup

    FluffySoup Account Closed

    Parents taken me out of the last two years of school for nearly a year now. If I carry on for another year that's my qualifications down the drain. I am completely isolated as I can't go out because i'm in a foreign country. Every night I feel more helpless than the last and that my life will never go nowhere and who would want to talk to me, I can't think of the last time i've actualy had something to do. First it was bordom but now i'm pretty sure it's turning into insanity. But I still hold on.. for god knows what.
  19. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    Today I feel that getting to me more and more.

    I hate my life. It is more isolating now and I feel myself as being more and more reclusive.

    I severed what friendships I had left and now I am more alone.

    it is my job that makes me feel like that more than anything.
  20. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    As a kid and teenager it seems I just lived
    Day by day..I didn't imagine myself as anywhere in the future.
    I couldn't realistically see myself anywhere.
    And its like that now. I can't seem to see
    Anything untill it happens in front of my face.
    And I feel llike I don't even remember myself anymore..

    How I used to be..and feel..
    And what I was passionate about.
    I don't know myself.
    I understand all points of views
    Ranging from every topic in the world.
    I'm very open minded. And I feel like a cloud.
    If I flaot too far up I may be gone.

    But I still can't seem to see beyond today ever...
    Its like I've never really been born yet.
    Like I haven't existed yet.
    Everythings so surreal.