The light at the end of the tunnel

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dongargon, Nov 16, 2008.

  1. dongargon

    dongargon Member

    To me, death is something to look forward to.

    Im not dying to live I'm living to die!

    I hate capitalism, i hate business, i hate the fact that we have establishments making billions in profits yet there are millions who starve.

    I hate the fact that its good to talk but I cant trust ANYONE. Since to trust someone allows for ones trust to be broken.

    I hate the fact that people pretend to be your friend yet stab you in the back purley for short term sucess in thier career.

    I LOVE a girl to whom I cant express my feelings to. I let my friend go out with her and then I introduced her to another friend rather than making my move. During all this time we have still kept in contact and used to be best friends. My heart weeps every day for what could have been. I sometimes consider wheather I should tell her about how i feel. But knowing that it would leave my friend (her ex) heartbroken I refrain from doing so.

    I havent had a gf in years, mainly due to my attitude towards relationships. But i am becomming increasingly senstitive towards female expressions and body language.

    ...Long story short this has brought me to the conclusion that the only way to achieve eternal happyness is suicide. My first step will be to hand in my resignation before i have found a new job because I cant take it anymore.

    I have dreamt about suicide on new years eve....maybe it can happen this year?
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    This world is full of heart ache, disappointments, pain and regrets. But despite all this, it takes courage and strength to face all this and still walk forward. It sounds like you have this courage and strength, put yourself first and tell this girl who you feel. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't.
  3. dongargon

    dongargon Member

    Thanks for your kind words Mystic.

    I forgot to mention that she now has a boyfriend of 4 months who she met at work. So now is not the right time to tell her how I feel. The worst thing is i have been trying to surpress my feelings for years but still after all of this time i feel the same about her.

    Everyday i draw on my courage and strength to persaveer through life. I udnerstand that a life full only of happyness would become broing and a life full of sadness is far from nice. I love life for its unpredictability, thats what keeps it interesting. But I have a depression which I only see one answer to and that is death.
  4. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Life full of happiness is only boring if you think so. Like you said, the world can be so unpredictable that there will be times of sadness and boring times.... but the moment is only temporary, giving up is forever.
  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I hear you on the hating capitalism and big business thing, to me there isnt anything more cruel and injust then what goes on in the current USA, if you ask me USA is an evil country, we dont give a fuck about the citizens that our starving, our evil government just cares about the profits of the wealthy and ensuring their success

    I am a person who was full of life passionate about life and I was a good person, now I am nothing and these greedy cock suckers helped me to be where I am, with their brainwashing and their putting me down, and there not allowing me to get the help I needed because I didnt have Insurance or didnt have money

    I am fucking bitter, I think of killing myself and then I think why should I kill myself, I was a good person, I dont deserve to die, other people deserve to die

    This is my dillemma

    I just hope there is some type of uprising in the USA eventually but I doubt it, the corporate capitalist elite have to much control, that is what these wars are about flexing their military muscle

    USA is currently an evil country
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's understandable why you have kept these feelings inside for soo long and why you still haven't told this girl (since she now has a boyfriend).

    For your own sake, hopefully you can tell this girl how you feel in the future. And whatever happens from there at least you told her and it's out of you. Perhaps then you can find peace and move forward.

    Like you have mentioned, life is unpredictable, there's a good and bad side to this and you look forward to the happier and better times in life. Death will end any chance of that.
  7. dongargon

    dongargon Member

    For me death will put an end to my suffering and end my sadness. I have been living with a dark cloud over my head for around 8 years now and its getting too much.

    I think the only way I'll be able to tell her about my feelings is in my suicide note as she's in a relationship at the moment and the consequences of me telling her are not worth thinking about since my friend was REALLy affected by his break up with her. So he will not take my revelations too kindly. Ive lived too long tredding on egg shells worrying about this and worrying about that. And ultimetly that has been my demise since Ive not put myself first. IT ALL ENDS HERE!! Am gonna take opportunities with both hands and live each day like its my last.

    WHY DOES EVERY GIRL I MEET HAVE TO COME WITH BAGGE (eg one of my friends likes her and is trying to get her or girl is in a relationship or girl just isnt straight)???