I was on my own over the xmas period and physically sick too above all things. I was supposed to visit my parents who live in another country but physically I could not make it so I had to cancel my flight. My sister on the other hand went to visit our parents, living me on my own, and her husband left me as well to go and spend the xmas holiday at a pseudo-religious sect he is a proud member of. He is an idiot and I cannot stand him. He did hurt me a few months ago, betraying my trust by deeply insulting me. Frankly I would love to disappear from the face of the Earth. I have been sick for months with what I thought was a flu and chest infection but there's more to it. Every day I feel dizzy, feverish, got prescribed antibiotics but as soon as the course finishes I feel worse. Maybe is lung cancer. No it's not apparently. I don't know, doctors are pretty much useless, all the ones I saw. Loneliness can kill. I feel dead already. My sister upon coming back told me that she had invited a guest early Jan for a few days, something she is aware I dislike yet she did it behind my back despite my request not to invite this certain person. I yelled at her. We live together, me her and her stupid husband. I feel suffocating, I don't have my freedom like I used to. My mum was very happy a year ago when she heard from my sister we were going to live together, without thinking about my happiness, what I want. They never do. The family I come from is a family of people who pretend to care on words but in fact they are useless and don't give a shit. Never supportive, never good listeners... EVER in my entire miserable stupid useless life. I have had once again suicide thoughts, thinking of the least possible painful method without clear answers but to vent here in the meantime. Also i have deleted all of my stupid fake friends from Facebook and deleted my profile too. Social media when you are lonely and crying for help is everything but helpful. I don't have real friends in real life mostly because I don't believe in friendship anymore like I used to, people always turn out to be a huge disappointment, hurting you one way or another. Starting from family members. I want out of this for good. I am in pain and no one who can help.