I realized today, and have not been able to stop crying, that I am so lonely that dying seems like the only option, I can't take being alone anymore. It hurts so badly I think my heart is actually broken for good now, so why not just rid myself of my body if my spirit is already dead?
I have friends, but that does not stop the loneliness. It hurts so much, I have to make it stop once and for all. Dying is not something I really like to contemplate, in fact it revolts me, but sometimes I think if you hurt badly enough and for long enough, ending your life is ok, it is really a way to honor and love myself, a way to take care of my self, to end the suffering seems like a humane thing to do. Of course, my death is going to cause others pain, but if they are healthy they will get over it, they will be able to live their lives without suffering after a short time of grief. I am not experiencing grief, I wish I was, at least then I would know it will eventually subside. My suffering never ends, the pain NEVER ends, what is the point of living a life in pain? Without joy? Without feeling like you matter? I am already invisible to the world, I might as well not exist.
tricia
I have friends, but that does not stop the loneliness. It hurts so much, I have to make it stop once and for all. Dying is not something I really like to contemplate, in fact it revolts me, but sometimes I think if you hurt badly enough and for long enough, ending your life is ok, it is really a way to honor and love myself, a way to take care of my self, to end the suffering seems like a humane thing to do. Of course, my death is going to cause others pain, but if they are healthy they will get over it, they will be able to live their lives without suffering after a short time of grief. I am not experiencing grief, I wish I was, at least then I would know it will eventually subside. My suffering never ends, the pain NEVER ends, what is the point of living a life in pain? Without joy? Without feeling like you matter? I am already invisible to the world, I might as well not exist.
tricia