The long day has cometh at last

I am gone. There is no need to post a new title thread. No point. Let me slip out of life the way that I want - from the shadows, where no one will notice me.
Not that anyone has noticed me in the light, anyway.
Despite everything, it was all fun. It is funny to say that, given all that I have been through, but one must find the humour in all things, quineg?
I am tempting fate here, but what can Cosmos do to me now, when She has already done everything else?
I entered this World at night and have lived much of my life at night, not only is it just a metaphor. It is only fitting that I leave the World at night.
Bring it on. All the signs point in one direction now: the exit.
Do I have any regrets? I do not "do" regrets. They only serve to weigh yo down, distract you. But if I had one? I suppose it would be not being able to watch a lightning storm off the bluffs. Must a beautiful sight that must be.


I am going crazy.
Cosmos has turned against me, everyone in my life has turned against me. I so desperately want to talk to someone, but no one is here. No one will listen. No one even contacts me here, on this site, just to send a personal message to ask how I am going or offer their support. No one knows just how silent everything is for me right now...
What the hell am I even writing this for? It is not as if I really expect anything. People pass me by everywhere I go, in the Real World and Digital World, with only a quick glance out of the corner of their eyes. Why do I even expect care or support?
It's lonely, being alone...

:anyone: lease:

 

I'm here Leif, I will talk, I will listen........ I know how dark it can be and have no one who can understand...... "Why do I even expect care or support?" Because that is what this site is here to offer, hun. You can start by helping me with a question I have - what does "is wishing for just five centimeters" mean exactly? Sitting here, trying to work it out, lol!

 

Thank you. The reason why I said that "Why do I even expect care or support" and why I do not really trust in your answer is more that everyone, offline and online, seems to be drawn to come to me for support in their time of need, which I have always been so happy to provide, especially when they walk away at the end of it smiling and seeing a new day, yet no one has even bothered to sit down with me and say, "Hey, the answer was so obvious I couldn't see it because of my own distractions. Thanks a lot showing me there is always something beyond my own self-afflictions. I'd really like one day to be able to return the favour. What's going on for you, mister Varren Victa?" (of course, not so formal.)
But no, they get what they need and wander off until they need it again...

"Is wishing for just five centimeters"? That is from my desire to get closer, intimately, emotionally, with all of the girls I once had a relationship with, all of my old friends from childhood past and how, no matter what we did or talked about, we never got closer to each other to connect in a more meaningful way than when we first met.

I think too much.

 

AOh, thanks for explaining that, very nice.....Nothing wrong with thinking V.V. (except for the direction it takes us in sometimes)........ I think that I'm also too disappointed in what I think is a lack of feeling within other people to want to connect in more meaningful ways - I expect too much, and then wonder why I feel disappointed. Life continues on and changes things and people and circumstances, and I wish it didn't, but I can't stop it! But we are loved and important even in the times when we cannot see it or feel it or believe it. We are a part of Creation and we are needed.

 

I feel the same way that you do...I'm always helping people, but they never help me in return. Sometimes it would be nice to know that someone cares. So I know how you feel in that respect. But people are responding, and we do care, so just know that you aren't completely alone. :hug: I hope that you don't do it and stay around to talk to us.

 

Thank you, everyone. The emotional pain is a but much for me right now, so I do not know truthfully if I will get through this one without some scathing kind of scathing or even at all, but it is nice to know that even being alone as I am right now, I just might not be completely alone.
Damn, here they come...

 

here WHO? come Leif? .... the centimeters??? :biggrin:

 

Thanks, WildCherry. You always seem to be around with words of encouragement and support, large or small. :hug:
How are you? How is life treating you?

Urprecious, Not sure if it is your charming personality or that you are a Kiwi, but I could help but laugh at that last
No, I will never get those five centimeters, I realise that. Still, there is no harm in wishing when wishes sometimes have more power and influence than anything that can come true.

 

Stay with that thought Leif - about wishes........ will write more later, have to go

 

No worries, UrPrecious, life is always too important to put off. ^^ Stay peachy until the next.

Glad to hear, WildCherry.
All of those other posts, I have either been there or stared down that road, so I am always only real happy to help say an encouraging word if it means someone else does not have to go through some of the things I once did. In fact, I would not hesitate to push someone away from a cliff if I saw them contemplating it, even if it meant I ended up taking their place and falling. I do not have much of anything to offer the World except compassion and the wish to give those who need it back that flame of life.

 

i hear you and sadly i feel the same i wish i could aleviate ur aloneness and u could help me die

 

Well, everyone here who reads this....... since my last post, we've heard some very sad news, in that our nephew who is only a young man has just been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer...... Leif saying that life is too important to put off is dang RIGHT -

 

but to continue replying to "Still, there is no harm in wishing when wishes sometimes have more power and influence than anything that can come true. "

I'm finding my thinking now directed to our nephew, and from his email it would seem this is what he is doing, committing himself 100% to fighting it all he can with all he knows how. He so wants to live! He says that having received this diagnosis has reprioritised everything else and he understands what is most important.....

 

Ceac, I would never help anyone die, sorry, no matter how much you wished it or wish for myself. If I saw you standing in the middle of the motorway about to be run down, I would run across and push you out of the way instead, if that meant I took the hit from the car instead. Or if you had a gun under your chin, I would firmly tell you that if you pulled the trigger, then I would draw it on myself next, not out of suicidal tendancies, but to make you think twice about it and realise that you would not only end your own life but guilt you into knowing you also took my life.. in a way.

Here is hoping you feel better, Ceac and that like me, hope nothing ever comes from these thoughts of ours. :hug:

I am deeply sorry to hear that news, UrPrecious :apologetic:
Now that you say it, it kind of makes anything I feel now pale in comparison. I wish you and yours all the best on the long months ahead. :hug:

 

I'm here. I hear you and I'm glad you reached out. I think, (not sure of this) but I think when you have so many people who are struggling with their own darkness, it might be a little harder than we'd like to get support. We'd like not to have to ask. But... at least we know that when we do, there are voices that will answer. Are you ok?