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The Long Term

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Michael7, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Michael7

    Michael7 Member

    14 years now since I was first diagnosed (sic) with Clinical depression. Still on the tablets, had theraphy, and also gone on what my wife thinks are phases with my identity.

    Suicide, well I am still here, got through major spells when it seemed like the only option worth taking, but came through with the help and support of a few of those around me.

    Still Suicidal? well this is difficult, I still think about it, and yes I do still think of it as an option, but the time duration of these thoughts are shorter and the time in-between is longer.
    I never feel like I am in total control of where I am going, but who is?
    Life is difficult in that there are more and more people who want to take advantage of you, this also includes the state!

    I cannot understand why some people seem to revel in making life difficult.
    It is these people and the scenarios they put me in that make Suicide a genuine and worthwhile option, even thinking about now when I consider myself to be in a rational frame of mind it still seems worthwhile.

    I wish I was strong enough of mind to take on these people and find other solutions.
    I suppose life is full of good intentions but I lack courage/selfworth to carry anything out. Or even know how to begin to do something about it.
    Just thinking about some of the wrongs done to me and those of which I know have been done to others makes me feel 'down'.
    Life is not fair, in that unless you are strong mentally you will always be downtrodden.
    I feel at this moment as I write this an anger that builds up inside, an anger that wants to knock some of the perpetrators of the anxieties dished out onto others from there pedestal and show them the consequence of there actions.

    Time to stop ranting and raving, maybe time to go back under my stone to wait for the next onslaught to come (which it will)

    My initial intention in this was to show that you can survive the black periods of depression we all go through, and that we can manage to survive.

    Please take care

    Cyber hugs to all

  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hi Michael.

    You sound a tower of strength, to be honest. You have fought over the years and it sounds like, as your lower times are becoming further apart and shorter, that you are coming out the other side, and that is trully terrific and inspirational. Well done you for continuing to fight.

    If you feel many wrongs have been done to you, maybe you could try and even it out. Could you do something like volunteer work to help those in need? You might get a great sense of purpose and achievement, and maybe those wrong doings might hurt less as you know that you are helping someone else, and using the hurt that has been caused to you, to drive you to help. It's a way of finding positive in things that are negative.

    (I'm not even sure if that made sense, apologies if it didn't).

    Have you tried finding a positive way to release your anger? Like beating up a pillow? Anything like that? It sounds like the anger is boiling away inside you and that is not healthy for anyone.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    Take care of yourself and keep fighting
  3. Flight

    Flight Well-Known Member

    Wow, Michael, that spoke to me. I know exactly where you are coming from.

    "Hell is other people."

    But we have to try to do the kind and considerate thing as much as possible so we don't pass the pain forward.

    Scum is 100% right. We can't let ourselves feel overwhelmed by the cruelty of others. We have to help out (volunteer somewhere, or just do random acts of kindness) no matter how small we feel. Because every human is as small as us (if that makes sense.)

    Also, working out a little is a great way to use that anger that other people can tend to dump on you. You don't have to be Arnie - just do a few pushups a day.

    Or - as Scum suggested - find an unsuspecting pillow to become your perpetual rage victim ;)
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