You know I really love the world that we live in. Mainly because those of us who suffer are to blame for our own suffering. I have yet to meet anyone who has not told me that it is my fault that I cannot attract females or make friends. It is always so very funny when I speak about this stuff with new people. I can almost always predict the course the conversation is going to take. It is like the fact that I failed is not enough to convince them that I tried. I have yet to understand that with this world. People will always throw out stupid quotes about how I need to learn from my past. I need to learn from my mistakes. Like one mistake I made for several years, treating females like they are more than sex toys. I made that mistake for years. I would go out and talk to females. I would try to interest them, and they were interested alright. Well until they realized that I am not going to buy them a drink or not going to treat them to something. It was particularly funny when I would try chatting up a female in line at an anime convention. I was just intruding on their time with their friends. You know by the fat guy who cannot make a decent costume. It was funny to really watch. I might even see a couple of them several times and guess what I was forgotten before I knew it. This was back when I wanted to give females a genuine chance to be something to me. I assumed that they were willing to accept that sex was part of the process. It was so very funny, I kept trying this for about a year before I realized it was stupid. The only thing I gained from this point in my life was a nice big pile of lost money and time. So when I tell my sisters or people online this fact. They instantly ask me why don't I try something different. I of course ask what am I supposed to do differently. Of course females always say "buy the girl a drink". I laugh when my sisters say this because I have heard them complain about how long it takes to get a guy to buy them a drink or how they don't feel like paying for drinks so they need to find some loser to pay for drinks for them. All females know that females today like to take advantage of that old... I guess tradition or social standard or whatever. When I make it clear to them that I am not stupid enough to fall for that. The next thing they tell me really pisses me off "You just have not met the right girl" Oh... I see you know it is not like I have not tried to meet females. I mean hell I go to anime conventions I go to bars, I have even started going out to buy video games these days. I go to places where there are plenty of females to chat up and talk too. Not one of them, LITERALLY, has given me more time than it takes for her to realize that she is not going to get anything out of me so she leaves. I make a nice long list of places often times the only places that I do not try are places like the Dentist, or the Doctor's office. Then guess what they do... shrug their shoulders tell me to keep trying and keep believing. You know it is funny when you think about what they tell me. I mean they tell me to keep trying and not give up. At the same time they cannot offer any new suggestions to me. However, I know why they tell me to not give up. It is very simple, it is because I have nothing. I look at my life and I am planning my suicide. I am the one who is depressed so I have everything to gain. Yet the other person has nothing to lose by getting to know me. Oh wait they might lose some sanity of they get ot know me. I mean after all I am negative and toxic because I am suicidal. So it is my fault I am alone. The only reason it is my fault is because I have nothing and since I have nothing it is all my fault. I am the one to blame for the asshole behavior of other people. It is my fault that I was born with faulty genes that no one wants. It is my fault I am alone, and you know what if I ever want to be happy I have to keep on throwing my money into this black hole. I have to continue to believe that people are worth it. Despite years and years of evidence to the contrary. I am stuck being forced to think like this. Because I am the one who wants to kill myself..... it is so very funny the conundrum that I have fallen into.